Some people seem to stay away from relationships, even though they long for intimacy and closeness. Possible reasons for this are fear of hurt or loss, bad experiences in the past, lack of trust in others or oneself, career goals or simply a preference for freedom and independence. In this article, we will look more closely at the reasons why some men avoid relationships out of fear.
1. You distance yourself from the prospect of love
What is love anyway? You are fundamentally uninterested in love and don’t think it will change anytime soon. Your friends just don’t understand why you don’t want to go on a date with the cute guy from your work. And your family has been wondering for a long time whether the good buddy is really just a good buddy, and why there isn’t more going on? You just don’t feel like getting hurt (again) at the moment, so you’d rather completely distance yourself from the idea of falling in love, simply out of supposed self-protection.
2. You take yourself too much for a ride
To receive a compliment from someone who could potentially pique your interest is the very last thing you want. Absolutely not! One compliment can quickly turn into two, and who knows where it will lead. So you build a wall of self-mockery, against which all the compliments from the guy you think is just a little bit hot will bounce off.
3. Trivial weekend love affairs
You show up at brunch with your friends still wearing the same clothes from the night before, which earns you a collective shake of the head from everyone at the table. The same looks they’ve been giving you ever since things went south with your ex. Since then, you’ve had a handful of insignificant weekend flirtations and YOU are totally cool with that too. It’s just your friends don’t want to get it …
You could get anyone, but instead you spend your weekends with random acquaintances who you don’t have to see again. It’s also nice because in that short time they can’t get to know you well enough to find anything to hurt you with. So there is no intimacy to be afraid of. They only know your nakedness, not that of your soul, and that’s a good thing.
4. You don’t really date
What is a real date these days? Your friends ask you when was the last time you went on a date. So you ask them and yourself this question because you can’t really remember the last time. You just had a drink with this one guy 20 minutes before you went home to him. That counts, too, doesn’t it?
5. You still forget
Nobody can get close to him anyway … so how the hell are you supposed to get ahead with someone new when you already had the best one anyway, and you lost him? And it hurt! More than anything else. Because you were in love then, and it went to shit. That pain is strong enough to remind you forever that it will never be like that again, so why even try. No one will ever be like your ex! (Warning, spoiler: this might even be a good thing ?)
6. You say you’re not ready, when you probably are
It’s been months, maybe years, since your last relationship and yet you still say you’re not ready for something new. Your life is pretty perfect as it is. Great job, cool friends, numerous hobbies. What more could you ask for?
But seriously: If you really admit it, you would like to meet someone new. You don’t NEED one, of course, but the thought of someone in your life doesn’t sound so bad. And then you remember how horrible your last break-up was, and you quickly build up all the walls again.
It doesn’t matter if people don’t understand why you just want to protect yourself; you ultimately have to decide if and when you open yourself up to love again. To protect yourself, you will do everything in your power to fight falling in love because it hurt so badly last time.
But love will hit you. And it will do so when you least expect it, and it won’t care if you’re afraid of getting hurt. That’s the only way it works, whether you like it or not. Just as love can’t be forced, falling in love can’t just be turned off.
And let’s face it, all of us have said (perhaps more than once) „Never again! …“ And then you did it again anyway. Because somehow you can’t quite give up hope that maybe it will work out someday after all <3
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