Anything from minor distress to physical violence can be a dealbreaker in a relationship. Sometimes, however, it is not so easy to recognise a warning signal until you are already in too deep. Of course, you shouldn’t be suspicious and detective-like from the start. But awareness and a healthy caution can save you from pain, tears, disappointment and much worse.
We have summarised a few of these warning signs for you. Take care of yourself, live your best life!
What to look out for when starting a relationship!
When looking for the right partner, it is important to take the right measures from the beginning. The beginning of a relationship lays the foundation for future cohabitation. And has a significant influence on the further course of the partnership. It is therefore advisable to keep certain things in mind already in the first phases of the relationship. First, you should be aware of what you are looking for in a relationship and what your expectations are. Clear communication about this from the beginning is essential.
It is also important to take the time to really get to know the other person. And to find out whether there are common interests and values. It often becomes clear in the first few encounters whether the chemistry is right and whether you understand each other on an emotional level. But even in this phase it is advisable not to put on all rose-coloured glasses and not to overlook possible disagreements. There are various aspects that you should pay attention to. When starting a relationship, in order to be happy together in the long run.
Be discriminating on dating apps
They hide behind dirty nicknames and may only have their hot bodysuit without a face in their profile picture… but that doesn’t give them the right to offend, discriminate or racist on dating apps under the guise of anonymity. “No Tucks/Blacks/Asians/Fats!” … the list sometimes seems endless. Fortunately, many gays condemn this behaviour and do not stoop to this level. It’s better to emphasise what you like instead of ranting about what you hate. That way, you might get a few more requests because you don’t immediately scare everyone away 😉
How he treats others
In the worst case, the guy is also like this in the real world, as he is on the Internet. Does he make fun of the waiter for serving the wrong thing? Is he unhappy or maybe even aggressive towards others? Then you should take him out quickly! If he treats other people badly, do you think he will make an exception for you once he has you wrapped around his finger? No matter how charming he may be at first, his everyday behaviour towards others can be very revealing.
Talking about your ex all the time
If you haven’t got over your last breakup, you shouldn’t be chasing new butts … NOT YET. Because really, no one wants to go on a date and just hear stuff about their ex; “he did this…. he did this…” If you still have feelings for your ex and show it so clearly by talking about him all the time, it will just turn off a potential new lover, and he’ll leave sooner than you’d like!
“I stay under the radar”
… Also called DL – down-low – which stands for men who are in an openly heterosexual relationship or even marriage, but who like to sneak a peek at a man or two, sometimes just for fun, sometimes because they really are gay, but for social or family reasons don’t want to disclose it and keep up appearances. Someone should tell these men that we are no longer living in the fifties and that everyone can and should be who they are. There is nothing to stop them, except themselves.
Of course, depending on the environment, it can be extremely difficult to come out, but the freedom and relief afterwards is absolutely worth it. Of course, you shouldn’t immediately tell off someone who says they are DL, after all, you don’t know their circumstances. However, it is now 2023 and homosexuality should no longer be a reason for excitement, at least in most countries. Especially since it’s just sad and stressful to play someone you’re not. AND it’s a huge red rag that the story could end up really dirty.
Check out other men
… all the time; on Grindr and for real, while you’re sitting next to them! Of course, you have nothing against it if you are at peace with yourself, that your partner looks, you like to do that yourself. But it’s simply disrespectful if that’s your main occupation, and you feel completely superfluous. It’s also perfectly okay to stay on dating apps for the time being if you’ve just met someone. However, it is not ok to chat on dating apps during a date, as this shows the other person that you are not interested in them. On a date, the focus should always be on the (potential) partner. This is simply called decency and if it is missing, it is a clear warning signal. If he already doesn’t respect you at the beginning, how do you think it will go from there?
Just talk about sex
To be horny and horny all the time is one thing. But it’s quite another to talk about it all the time. If every conversation is always directed in the same direction, you can already imagine where it will lead and end… It’s just a waste of time when you might be looking for something more than just a fuck boy. A proper chat here and there should be fine.
Keep yourself a secret
If something like this happens, that he introduces you as his “buddy” and shows no affection at all in public, you should think very quickly whether you really want to get involved. If he is afraid to introduce you as who you really are because he fears trouble, then that is a very bad sign.
Are you in a “celebratory mood”?
Love makes you blind and sometimes extremely stupid, but no matter how hot the guy is, don’t get involved in anything that makes you uncomfortable or that could get you into trouble. If he thinks he’s always going to party while high on drugs, where does that leave him? Just stay away from such a toxic environment, because once you get into it, it’s hard to get out of it.
Despite this, some people are so desperate to find a partner that they will go along with anything just to be accepted and not look like a bore or a drag. But life is too short to settle for half-measures. No matter if it’s a shitty job, a disrespectful relationship or whatever. You are too good for that!
Relationship Killers: The Bottom Line
In a relationship, dealbreakers and warning signs can be an important indication that there are problems that need to be addressed. Here are some steps you can take to deal with them:
- Recognise what is a dealbreaker for you: everyone has different boundaries and needs in a relationship. It is important to recognise what is and what is not a dealbreaker for you. For example, if you can’t handle your partner cheating on you, then that’s a dealbreaker.
- Communicate clearly and honestly: If you notice a warning signal or a dealbreaker in your relationship, you should communicate this clearly and honestly with your partner. Try to express your thoughts and feelings respectfully so that your partner understands how you feel.
- Try to find a solution together: When it comes to warning signs or dealbreakers, it is important to find a solution together. Think about how you can solve these problems as a couple and work on a solution together. If that is still possible.
- Decide whether you want to stay or go: If the warning signal or dealbreaker is too severe for you, you have to decide whether you want to stay in the relationship or leave. It is important to look after your own health and wellbeing and make a decision that is right for you.
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