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Where there’s a kink, there’s a myth. Today’s topic is BDSM myths. We’ve all encountered clichés and statements surrounding the topic of BDSM. “They’re constantly beating each other,” “They’re incapable of having relationships,” “There’s something wrong with their psychology.” Such statements are not only false but also unnecessary and fall into the category of “kink-shaming.” Let’s put a stop to this and debunk the clichés and myths that originate from the junk drawer of unnecessary comments.
1. Submissive Men Are True Alphas in Everyday Life
Those who enjoy being dominated by their partner in bed must be leaders in everyday life. At least that’s what the naysayers claim, who have little to no understanding of BDSM. The myth suggests that a leader needs personal balance, which they can only find if they let their lover chain them up.
The Fact: None of this is true! Of course, there are men in leadership positions who are extremely submissive in bed. However, there are also subs who have nothing to do with being a typical boss in everyday life. Whether you have submissive inclinations or not is independent of your professional position!
2. People Who Like BDSM Are into Pain
One of the worst films surrounding BDSM was “Fifty Shades of Grey” (sorry to all the fans). It suggested nothing less than that the Dom is a character jerk who revels in the pain of their partner. No doubt, for sadists and masochists, BDSM consists precisely of this: one derives pleasure from whipping, while the other from being whipped. But it’s not just films like this that keep the old myth alive; the porn industry also plays a significant role. In the BDSM category, you’ll find more videos featuring whips and pain than those dealing with themes like orgasm control.
The Fact: BDSM is much more diverse and involves more than just pain. A power dynamic can be created without any whip strokes. Think about bondage; nothing has to hurt, and yet the sub is clearly at the mercy of their Dom. Pain can play a role in BDSM but is not necessarily a part of it.
3. BDSM Fans Have Experienced Trauma
Have you ever been looked at with pity when you revealed your love for BDSM? The cause of those looks is a typical BDSM myths cliché and the wrong idea surrounding fetish sex. Many people still think that the inclination towards BDSM must result from childhood trauma.
The Fact: There are BDSM enthusiasts with traumatic pasts, but more than 70% view their kink as a part of their personality. So, if you suddenly feel a desire for dominance and submission, something terrible doesn’t have to have happened to you in the past.
4. BDSM Relationships Are Toxic and Unhealthy
The societal image of a “good” and “healthy” partnership resembles something out of Hollywood. Both partners are equal, always considerate of each other, talk about everything, and love unconditionally. BDSM in the bedroom? Unthinkable, because a power dynamic suggests a toxic relationship, right? And if pain is involved, many immediately think of abuse.
The Fact: BDSM relationships are often extremely loving and come with a lot of responsibility for the partner. The Dom is not just the “master of the whip” but is responsible for the well-being of their beloved partner. The sub grants trust by relinquishing control to their partner. Sure, there are toxic BDSM relationships; we don’t need to argue about that. However, what happens in the bedroom doesn’t necessarily indicate the “health” of a relationship. Consent is one of the most important topics in BDSM.
5. BDSM Is Just About Sex
One of the typical clichés concerns the ability to form relationships among BDSM fans. “They only have sex; they don’t love,” is a common statement that triggers immediate nausea in any connoisseur. The power play is more often a part of a relationship than a spontaneous one-night stand. Practicing BDSM is complex and requires that both partners trust each other. This status is not achieved when people meet at a “hookup” party in a club.
The Fact: BDSM partners often get to know each other extensively and for a long time before starting their session together. Only when the sub communicates their boundaries and the Dom can be sure of them is a fulfilling experience possible for both. A quick session with whip strokes is the exception in the kink scene.
6. One Person Is Always Dominant and the Other Submissive
Some clueless onlookers try to guess who the devil with the whip is when they see a BDSM couple and who is being spanked at every opportunity. Is it really that simple? In many BDSM relationships, a clear categorization is possible. One is the Dom, and one is the sub.But even here, BDSM is much more nuanced and cannot be boxed in. Who would you classify as the Dom if you see two men engaged in pet play? Is the person who selflessly cares for their human dog automatically the pack leader?
The Fact: Often there are clear role distributions in BDSM relationships, but this is not a rule. In the kink scene, there are so many variations that categorizing is impossible. The “switchers” alone throw a wrench into this cliché, as they are dominant today and happily submit tomorrow.
7. BDSM People Always Wear Latex and Leather
This is yet another cliché that has firmly taken root in the minds of uninvolved individuals. Anyone who is into BDSM wears latex and leather from morning till night. Of course, a distinction is made between the Dom and the sub.The poor slave is wrapped in their rubber suit by morning and, naturally, only goes to the office wearing a collar. The Dom, on the other hand, suits up in their latex outfit each morning and has their whip at the ready.
The Fact: Latex and leather are part of the BDSM scene but are not a requirement for a power dynamic. Many BDSM couples dress completely “vanilla” and would never visually suggest that there’s a Dom/sub relationship. Anyone who still thinks they can recognize BDSM fans by their appearance is grossly mistaken.
Conclusion
Clichés and Myths About BDSM Are Often Wrong and Inaccurate In BDSM, there is no “norm” that must be implemented universally by every participant in the kink scene. BDSM is a vast spectrum that doesn’t have to follow clear rules.
What matters is that all activities are conducted with mutual consent. What clothing is worn, whether pain is a part of the play, and how a Dom/sub dynamic must look cannot be answered in any BDSM dictionary in the world.
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