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“Clapping” isn’t just for the audience; it’s also for spanking. The English term conceals the less charming word “beating.” Since we’re not wildly thrashing each other in a lustful frenzy, we prefer sticking with erotic spanking. This practice is now fairly widespread and provides many gay men with sensual experiences. But who is spanking actually for? Does enjoying a slap on the butt automatically make you a sub? Here, you’ll learn everything you need to know about erotic spanking and how to handle it ideally.
What is Erotic Spanking, and Who Enjoys it?
When you spank your lover’s butt during foreplay or sex, that’s called spanking. This sexual practice enhances the pleasure of both partners, though in different ways. The active partner enjoys the dominance and the sense of control.
For the passive partner, pleasure is heightened through pain but also through the act of submission. Spanking is often used as a form of punishment, creating a mix of pleasure and pain. Many lovers report that spanking makes their climax significantly more intense.
How Erotic Spanking Works in Practice
Traditionally, spanking is done with the hand, but not exclusively. There are numerous toys like flat paddles, spanking gloves, or even canes and whips. What you enjoy most depends on your personal preferences.
For beginners, a flat hand is often enough. If you, as the active partner, strike quickly and firmly, you can leave your mark on your lover’s butt without needing a paddle. But as always – consent is king! Only spank as hard as your partner likes and can handle. If you’re the one being spanked, set your boundaries because you’re the boss (even when you’re submitting).
Spanking is most commonly associated with the butt, but almost any other body part can be spanked as well. If the butt isn’t enough for you, areas like the penis, thighs, chest, or upper arms are also fair game. Be warned, though: these areas can sting quite a bit. For instance, hitting aroused nipples with a paddle feels much more intense than hitting the butt. Keep this in mind if you and your partner decide to switch up the location.
Is Erotic Spanking Only a BDSM Thing?
If BDSM makes you shudder, but you still find slaps on the butt sexy, you already have your answer to this question. Spanking is a major element of BDSM, but it’s not exclusive to it. Even “vanillas” incorporate spanking into their bedroom fun, albeit in a different context.
When one vanilla guy slaps another vanilla guy’s butt during doggy-style, it’s not about a power dynamic. It’s more about expressing pleasure and adding a bit of “wildness.”
Counter-question: Do you need to fit into a specific category? You’re allowed to enjoy spanking without wanting to fully submit or take on the role of the dom. Spanking is for everyone, regardless of whether you identify with a specific scene or not. And if you do want to be part of the BDSM scene, that’s no big deal either. While sexual masochism is often labeled as a disorder or illness, as long as you’re not suffering from it, everything’s fine!
What Roles Exist in Erotic Spanking?
In BDSM contexts, spanking typically involves clearly defined roles. As the active “spanker,” you’re called a “spanko.” The term’s origin isn’t exactly funny: in 1681 London, a criminal would ambush unaccompanied women, lift their skirts, and spank them without consent while yelling “spanko” (at least according to urban legend).
A spanko doesn’t always have to be active; they may also enjoy being spanked. This differentiates them from a spanker, who strictly plays the active role and isn’t interested in offering their own butt for spanking. A spanker delivers blows but doesn’t receive them.
Then there’s the passive partner, often referred to as a “spankee.” They are submissive and do not use the flogger or paddle themselves. Spankees can also be bottoms or subs, but they don’t have to be. The perfect match consists of a spankee and a spanker. However, two spankos can also have fun together by switching roles.
Safety in ERotic Spanking – What to Consider
Certain basics apply to both partners. Spanking requires trust. As the active partner, you must respect your partner’s boundaries, and as the passive one, you must clearly express them. You have the right to say “no,” even during a spanking session where you’re submitting. We’re big fans of code words or safewords—once spoken, everything stops, no questions asked.
Whenever there’s a bit of “ouch” involved, safety is paramount. If you’re a newbie, ease into spanking gradually and don’t go full force immediately. Your hand is enough to start with, or you can try a toy with a broad impact surface. Canes and similar implements are for experienced players who can fine-tune the intensity of their strikes.
We also mentioned body parts earlier. Most areas are fine, but there are exceptions:
- Spine, joints, and head
- Lower back and kidneys
- Ears and eyes
For some, slaps to the face are part of spanking. Here, the flat hand is sufficient, and experience is key. The face is a visible part of the body—your lover might have to explain the five-finger imprint on their cheek the next day.
Be aware that spanking can have consequences. Sexual arousal and pleasure are intentional, but bruises and red marks are sometimes an (unfortunate) side effect. Some find these marks erotic; others hate them. This makes clear communication and gradual exploration even more important.
Aftercare is Essential After Erotic Spanking
After an intense spanking session, aftercare is a must in responsible partnerships. Don’t underestimate the physical impact of targeted strikes with a paddle or cane. Unless your butt is calloused, swelling, redness, or bruising is almost inevitable.
Cold helps soothe these effects. A good spanker always has ice packs in the freezer to ease the aftermath of their passion. Cooling creams with aloe vera can also work wonders for a sore butt.
By the way, “aftercare” doesn’t mean focusing on the “after.” Instead, it refers to care following the session. In BDSM, a spanking session can lead to a kind of emotional drop for the submissive partner. Social taboos, guilt, or an intense feeling of humiliation can be triggering factors. Physical affection is a key way to help both partners return to reality.
Conclusion: Erotic Spanking Isn’t for Everyone, But It’s for Many
It’s entirely possible that spanking doesn’t appeal to you at all—and that’s okay. There are so many sexual practices, preferences, and orientations that there’s (almost) something for everyone. But there’s no need to feel ashamed if the sound of a slap on bare skin gives you an erotic thrill.
Whether you’re active or passive, just curious, or eager to make spanking a daily activity—it’s perfectly legitimate and okay, as long as there’s mutual consent.
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