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When it comes to BDSM, a Sub is usually paired with a Dom, right? It’s not that simple in practice. While a BDSM Subs (Submissives) generally takes on the submissive role, there are many variations in personality and behavior. For some, submission is confined to the bedroom, while others embrace their submissive nature in daily life. Here, we’ll introduce you to the most common Sub types. Don’t see yourself fitting perfectly into any one category? That’s perfectly fine! BDSM allows you to carve out your unique role without being forced into a box.
What Are BDSM Subs? A Quick BDSM Explanation
In BDSM, a person identifying as a Submissive (Sub) typically takes on a passive role in the relationship. At a basic level, “Sub” refers to someone who is submissive or devoted and seeks a counterpart, the Dominant (Dom), who takes on the active role. However, each Sub has their own limits, preferences, desires, and personality.
Although some individuals naturally feel submissive, BDSM Subs training often plays a key role in relationships. A Sub may already have an innate desire for submission but might not know how to act within the dynamic with their Dom. With mutual consent, it becomes the Dom’s responsibility to guide and train their Sub.
Common Submissive Roles in BDSM
When you ask someone unfamiliar with BDSM how they imagine a BDSM relationship, you’ll likely hear unsettling answers. Many mistakenly believe that popular movies like Fifty Shades of Grey accurately depict these dynamics.
Good news: that’s not the case! Being in a BDSM relationship doesn’t mean that a controlling, poorly-mannered partner dominates every aspect of the Sub’s life and occasionally spanks them during sex. While the roles are clearly defined (especially in the bedroom) and may include humiliation or power dynamics, mutual respect and equality are crucial in BDSM relationships.
Let’s delve into the common roles within BDSM partnerships, whatever their structure may be.
The Bond Between Masochist and Sadist
One classic Sub type is the Masochist. These BDSM Subs are not only submissive but also appreciate the element of pain. With mutual consent, tools like electro-toys, whips, paddles, and sticks often play a role in their interactions. Trust is essential in this connection. The Masochist must feel confident that “Stop” truly means “Stop.” Safe words are used to ensure sessions can end immediately if needed.
The Bond Between Sub and Dom
In a Sub-Dom dynamic, physical pain takes a backseat—or doesn’t feature at all. Instead, the focus is on psychological submission and physical surrender, often involving restraints. BDSM Subs relinquishe control during sessions, entrusting it to their Dom, who must handle this responsibility with care. The Dom is accountable for the Sub’s well-being.
There are also subcategories within Sub-Dom relationships, defined primarily by behavior:
- “The Brat”: This Sub is cheeky and rebellious, often delighting in provocation. In public, they may not appear submissive at all, instead seeking their Dom’s attention through mischief. Only the Dom has the power to tame “the Brat” and enforce obedience.
- “The Service Sub”: These BDSM Subs find joy in performing tasks for their Doms, whether running errands, paying bills, or managing household chores. Sexual favors may also be part of this dynamic.
- “The Little Prince/Princess”: This Sub pouts and sulks when they don’t receive enough attention from their Dom. They expect admiration and worship from their Dom in return for their submission.
- “The Break-Me Sub”: These BDSM Subs are willful and rebellious, seeking to be “broken” by their Dom. Resistance—sometimes even physical—is part of the dynamic. It’s essential to clearly establish boundaries and consent for this role.
The Bond Between Slave and Master
A more intense form of submission involves the Slave and Master dynamic. A Slave relinquishes control entirely to their Master, often on a 24/7 basis. They are willing to do almost anything to fulfill their Master’s needs. Many aspects of their life require explicit permission from their Master, including:
- Sexual gratification and orgasm
- Permission to speak
- Eating or drinking
- Going to the bathroom
A true Slave is available to their Master at all times, carrying out commands and orienting their life around the Master’s will. While some relationships restrict this dynamic to specific sessions, others extend it into everyday life. In these cases, both partners may communicate and interact as equals outside of their roles. More often, however, the Slave/Master bond transcends sexuality and encompasses a broader lifestyle.
The Bond Between Pet and Owner
A unique subset of BDSM involves the Pet and Owner dynamic, often referred to as “Puppy Play.” While this typically occurs during sessions, it can also be a long-term arrangement. The “animal” role isn’t always limited to a dog—creative interpretations are encouraged. Puppy Play is the most well-known version of this dynamic, but roles like kittens, ponies, and other animals are possible.
Costumes often help establish the roles, with the “Pet” wearing appropriate attire, including masks. At fetish parties or events like Pride parades, it’s common to see Pets led on leashes.
In everyday interactions, this type of BDSM Subs acts animal-like, while the Dom assumes the role of the “Owner.” Common activities include:
- Eating from a pet food bowl
- Learning and following commands
- Sleeping in a pet bed, cage, or kennel
- Self-cleaning with their tongue
- Communicating through animal sounds
- Playing with pet toys
The specifics of this dynamic are defined by the partners. Physical discipline is usually not part of Puppy Play, as other training methods are used to instill obedience. Sexual activities may occur but are not mandatory.
Domestic Discipline Isn’t a BDSM Standard
There are many (often unpleasant) stereotypes about BDSM. In reality, trust and mutual respect are essential in any Sub-Dom dynamic. The Dom is not merely a “torturer,” nor are BDSM Subs mindless servants. The Dom is responsible for the Sub’s well-being, regardless of their specific roles.
Whether submission extends beyond the bedroom depends on the partners’ preferences. Some BDSM Subs submit in daily life, maintaining household discipline and surrendering control over most areas of their life. If something goes wrong, spanking may be used as punishment. From an outside perspective, such a relationship may resemble traditional 1950s marriage roles.
In contrast, other BDSM Subs confine their submission to the bedroom. They surrender control to their Dom during intimate moments but retain independence in daily life. Such couples often function like any other, sharing household responsibilities—and sometimes, the Sub is even the dominant partner in everyday matters.
Special Case: Financial Submissives (Finsubs)
A Financial Submissive (or Finsub) relinquishes control of their finances to a Dom. Often referred to as “pay pigs,” these BDSM Subs do not require a direct partnership for this dynamic to work; financial submission can take place entirely online. In practice, the Sub provides the Fin Dom with financial resources, grants them access to bank accounts, and may need to beg for permission to spend their own money. This dynamic also exists in BDSM partnerships, where the Dom manages both partners’ finances, requiring the Sub to ask for access.
Conclusion: There Are No “One-Size-Fits-All” BDSM Subs
As you can see, “Sub” is not a catch-all term for submissive individuals. There is a vast array of Sub types, each unique in their desires and behaviors. To ensure harmony between a Dom and Sub, shared interests are key. For instance, a Sadist may not pair well with a Sub uninterested in physical discipline, and vice versa.
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