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There are situations in life that you cannot cope with or can only cope with with difficulty without external help. For many gay men, it is still sexuality that leads them to counseling. Even in 2024, exclusion, discrimination and fears are still an issue that gay men suffer from. However, there are also partnership issues that can increase the need for couples counseling in homosexual relationships. We’ll tell you what the most common reasons are for gay people to seek counseling.
1. Fear of one’s own sexuality
It is considered proven that queer people suffer from mental illness more often. The reasons for this are varied, with exogenous influences and rejection playing an important role.
Sometimes it is also the fear or even rejection of one’s own sexuality that becomes a problem. When gay people reject themselves, a kind of self-hatred arises. Despite many social improvements, many men today still grow up with the idea that being gay is a burden or a burden. If they then discover their own homosexuality, this is associated with fear, anger and rejection. Instead of enjoying the pleasure of being with men, one’s own sexuality is regretted and rejected.
Counseling is a good way to come to terms with one’s own feelings. The more openly a gay person has grown up, the fewer difficulties he has with his sexuality. However, anyone who comes from a very narrow-minded environment and has been told since childhood that being gay is a “sin” or a “burden” will probably find it much more difficult to come out.
But often it is simply a lack of education. Clichés have firmly anchored the image of being gay in people’s minds.
“Those who are gay dress in a flashy or even feminine way.”
“Gays are actually women in the wrong body.”
“All gays only have anal sex all day and know no tenderness.”
If you are repeatedly told something like this or are familiar with the typical clichés, being gay can be very frightening. Especially if you don’t feel feminine and maybe don’t even fancy anal sex.
Don’t panic: It’s not only gay advice centers that provide support and insights into the real world of being gay. The community also has an open ear for “newcomers” and provides first aid. Whether you’re a future fisting world champion or a vanilla sex lover, everyone is free to live and interpret being gay in a way that suits their own well-being.
2. Discrimination and rejection after coming out
We should have come a long way as a society in accepting every legal form of sexuality. Being gay should be neither a burden nor a suffering if it were not for the great social pressure. For many men, coming out is a real challenge.
Some typical statements that queer people still have to deal with even in the oh-so-modern age are:
“We’ll still love you of course and help you find a therapist to fix you.“ (Parents to their sons).
“It’s just a phase and will go away.” (Reaction to coming out)
“It’s okay by me as long as you don’t make a gay out of me.” (Colleagues, friends, etc.)
“Oh no, a lifetime of anal sex only? You’re missing out!” (Heterosexuals who believe their sexuality is the only true one)
Modern people recognize at first glance how fatal such sentences actually are. The apparent tolerance (we love you, it’s okay with me, etc.) fizzles out like air, but in fact it is just a desperate attempt not to take a person’s sexuality seriously. “That” does not just disappear. “Being gay” is not a trend that you live for a year and then stop.
Being gay is a form of sexuality that is just as normal as being heterosexual. The only problem is that rejection and discrimination are still ubiquitous even in enlightened countries. If the pressure becomes too great, this alone can lead gay men to seek counseling services because they cannot cope.
3. Mental health issues with many different triggers
Many gay men suffer from mental health problems that eventually lead them to seek counseling. These may be relationship difficulties, but they may also be problems that come from within. Feelings such as depression, anxiety or negative behavioral patterns are common problems that are expressed in the context of counseling.
Here are some examples of when there is a need for counseling:
There are increasing problems in the family, partnership, career or in life as a whole.
A major problem is always there and just won’t go away.
Certain areas of life are over-present and influence the rest.
There has been a traumatic event in the past that still comes to mind.
There are physical symptoms for which the doctor cannot find a medical reason.
Problems are solved by addictive behavior, including alcohol and drug use, sex addiction or gambling addiction.
Such problems can have various triggers and often the people affected can no longer perceive why it has come to this. In gay men, insecurity or even fear is not an uncommon trigger. The above symptoms are always an indication that something is wrong and that neutral advice can be helpful.
4. Various symptoms as a sign of deeper problems
Sometimes there are numerous symptoms, but the cause is indefinable. This also leads gay men to counseling to regain control of the situation. Have you been feeling bad for a long time and have various complaints, but can’t put your finger on them?
Here, too, we have a list of classic signs that are repeatedly the reason for seeking counseling services:
You’ve received negative feedback at work, and colleagues or even superiors see no progress or even negative changes.
There is a crisis in your relationship or even in friendships. Social contacts never last long, they end in arguments, disagreements or simply ghosting.
Within the family, there are disagreements, anger and rage are the dominant emotions.
Friends are worried and advise you to seek professional help.
Everyday life is dominated by fears and panic attacks, sometimes also by depression and the desire to simply not get up in the morning anymore.
The body image is negative, instead of self-love, only self-hatred or contempt for one’s own body is shown.
Sexual problems burden everyday life, excessive porn consumption disturbs the partnership or there are disagreements about where one’s own journey should actually go.
Seeking counseling does not mean that you are weak or that you cannot handle your life on your own. There are situations in life that “men” cannot handle alone. This has nothing to do with weakness or a lack of masculinity. On the contrary: are you strong enough to recognize your problem and seek help? That shows strength and courage, not weakness.
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