It’s cool to get in the mood by wanking outside in an unfamiliar environment or situation. The other day, in the dark Tiergarten (a large park in the middle of Berlin), one of our colleagues came across a completely naked man. Okay, he was wearing shoes, but there was no sign of clothing. And this on the footpath next to a main road.
Real places
The taboo is wanking outside. In this case, the taboo is also walking around naked in public. But you don’t have to take it that far. It’s enough to jerk off in the armchair while daddy is having lunch on the couch, or to noodle under the bench at school (we know, we’ve written this five times already, but it’s one of the most exciting jerk-off experiences of our innocent and otherwise so inexperienced lives). However, you shouldn’t take it so far that you can’t get it up without this thrill. Dependence in any form is a limitation.
In the bathtube
There’s no question that it’s a lot of fun to have a good time in the bath. But if you don’t manage to either splash out of the bath in a high arc or sink the whole load down your throat, you’ll have to contend with the accumulated frog spawn afterwards. And that doesn’t end well, especially for furry bearers.
In the shower
The alternative: Sex in the shower. It’s especially fun to use the shower spray to get horny. The feeling of having your nipple massaged by him is wonderful. Aimed directly at the glans from below, you will soon feel good. And to annoy the circumcised a little: Dear foreskin wearer, unscrew the shower head so that the water splashes out of the hose in a thick stream, and then push it (perhaps squatting) under the long foreskin. Adjust the water pressure until you find the perfect pressure. It won’t take long before your cock is hard as a rock.
Wanking outside while camping
This is the approximate alternative to opera-air sex. Dramatic and yet protected from prying eyes, as long as you don’t turn on the lights, because the shadow play couldn’t be any more seductive. All you have to do is keep your mouth shut and don’t shout out all that filthy stuff: »Sit on my face, I want to stick my tongue in your horny ROSETTE! Yes, you pig. SQUIRT ALL OVER ME. I WANT THE WHOLE LOAD!«
Under the school desk
But only do this if you have really mastered the »Dead hand« – technique. Getting caught and embarrassed in front of your peers is only funny if your ego is strong enough to be proud of what you have done, rather than ashamed of it.
Under the desk
Uhhmmm … by the way, this paragraph about the desk is aimed at pupils. I wouldn’t recommend it to teachers. Sure, it might have a certain sexual appeal for a homosexual boy, but homophobic boys – and schools are full of them – would definitely have turned him in, and that would certainly not have ended well for him. But there are also desks in large rooms …
In the lift …
… masturbation is especially funny because you have to be damn fast. Alternatively, you can’t get a 100-storey building, because their elevators suck. And many of us would lose any erection in the process. And many of us would lose any erection in the process.
In the solarium
To be naked, to feel the wind of the sun on your overheated skin, that is a joy. It is part of the how-to-jerk-off-in-the-solarium etiquette that you do not cover your tracks afterwards, but wipe them up neatly!
In the department stores’ dressing room
Well, by now you’ve grasped the principle: sex among people kicks because of the danger of getting caught. There’s nothing wrong with that, as long as nothing and no one gets hurt in the process. So don’t jerk off all over the panties, don’t scare the shop assistant with your erection, and don’t leave a mess! Last but not least, make sure you stay away from such stimulants, so that it’s still fun at home with the blinds down and a glass of wine.
On the subway
As already mentioned, for many people it is a special thrill to be observed during sex. For those who like to do it in front of grannies, it probably doesn’t bother them at all. But I would like to remind you that a group of drunken neo-Nazis could get on at the next stop. Then, when you have your hand in your friend’s slit, it will be a thrill you never imagined in your wildest dreams.
Wanking outside – in the mud
Why is it so much fun to wallow in mud? It must be a reminder of the life of our primordial ancestors. Hmm, did they wallow in the mud? We’re not descended from the pigs, are we?
A date told me about a lake outside Berlin that is visited every summer by a young man. He comes cycling, undresses, folds his clothes neatly on his bike so that they don’t get dirty, then wallows in the mud until one of them stands up to him, splashes himself in front of astonished eyes, swims a round to get clean, gets dressed and cycles relaxed back home. A date told me about a young man outside Berlin who visits the lake every summer.
In waters
The lakes and seas of this world should be blocked to some extent. When you swim, the water massages you so wonderfully. And if you bathe naked, your cock is pulled out and your balls float in the current. That can be arousing. And if you see other gentlemen walking along the beach or shore whose bodies match the masturbation pattern, you can get a hard-on. Why not just massage your dick? Here, too, the dead man technique suits you well.
Open Air
Why wanking outside in the open air is so much fun, one could fantasise about it for pages. The feeling of being connected to nature, the open sky above your head, the universe, Indians, shamans, smoke signals and divine spectators … Last but not least, the wind nibbles at your bulging glans and the flowers rustle dirty words into your ear. Honestly, in the end, it’s probably all about the thrill of getting caught. Isn’t it?
In the (gay) sauna
Of course, it is exciting for many people to see naked people. Gay saunas have the advantage that most people who go there want to share their orgasm with others. Which, by implication, should lead to more openness – but usually does not. Enough philosophy.
In the shower, the second
You already feared we would forget your favourite playground, the shower in public houses? Do you think we would miss the hungry looks in swimming pools and gyms? But no. Especially in countries where German freedom is foreign (Hungary, Turkey, Greece …), show wanking is widespread. Wank past the showers, set your sights on a juicy partner, stand opposite each other under a shower and bravely soap up your genitals. No one can really take away the fact that they grow in the process. And sperm flying out is hardly noticeable in front of white tiled walls. Unfortunately.
In the porn cinema
Since these cinemas are only frequented by men who want to get off, it doesn’t matter whether you choose a gay or a straight cinema. Your gaze won’t be on the screen anyway, but on the bulging cocks to the left and right and – Watch out! – behind you.
However, every now and then the owners of the gay cinemas go through with the torch in order to comply with any requirements. But don’t worry, if you’re bent over the last row of seats to get fucked better, he won’t bother you. After all, he wants to earn money. The only thing you have to worry about is your clothes, because the last row of seats is rarely unpolluted.
In the darkroom
These are the dark corners, rooms or basements in gay bars, porn shops or cinemas where men get together to have sex. Often, however, they are looking for more than just a good wank. Since these – yes, how should we put it? Since these places are usually not exemplary in terms of hygiene, the risk of being robbed by pickpockets and pathogens of many types and kinds is relatively high. We know we’re only talking about wanking outside here. But even if you resist all temptations and stick to manual operation, there are always men who find it horny to stick a finger in your mouth. And do you know where it was before? Well, if you ask us, there are guaranteed places in the darkroom where you can jerk off with less worry. And you know where it was before?
At the Gloryhole
In the scene, a gloryhole (german, Klappe) is the name given to a public toilet that is suitable for sex. Well, we can’t really explain why some people prefer these places for sex, but flaps are still very popular. Maybe because jerking off together there is quick and sometimes very unobtrusive – so family dads also get a kick out of it. Just go in, put your wiener in the piss trough and wait for someone to join you. If he’s interested, you’ll quickly notice. Either, he’s not peeing. Or he’s staring at your cock. Presents you his (erect) cock. Or he jerks off like crazy. Or instead of piss, pre-juice runs out of his noodle. What will most likely not happen: That he hands you a written invitation to jerk off. So grab it while you have the chance! However, civilian cops also go for gloryholes.
What is really stupid is to cross the general boundaries of shame in the presence of little boys. No, we are not going to question the law here, but only point out that you can be arrested. Even if you think it’s stupid and funny.
In parks
No park is small enough to prevent gay affairs from taking place there at night. Jerking off together in the great outdoors is healthy. How does that happen? *Go for a walk, look bored into the sky, whistle a little song, look*. Is there someone sitting lonely on a bench? Is there someone standing in the bush? Oops! *Moving cautiously in his direction* What’s happening?
If he runs away in panic, you should think about getting a new outfit (little joke). If he walks ahead determinedly but without any hurry, he wants to lead you away so he can play with you in peace, show you his stamp collection (especially at night) or hit you over the head as soon as you are out of calling range. The moral of the story: Never carry large sums of money and no papers with you in this kind of action. But of course a note with your name on it, so that the police will have an easier time identifying your body later on *scream*. And of course a note with your name on it.
On motorway rest areas
Yes, dear. Nothing is safe from sex-crazed men, and the hetis need not be exempt. The big downside of this place is that it requires access to a roadworthy vehicle, and we’re not talking about three-wheelers.
Okay, there are the toilets, for one thing. But we have already reported on that. Perhaps we should note here that it is worth deciphering scribbles. Not only because of the entertainment value (»Legge geile swans un las mich figge«), but because there could be interesting things there: »14. August at 20h im LKW behind the toilette« oder so.
In addition, at the rest stops frequented by gays, there are always bushes or small trees where you can hide. Ever noticed that sometimes some cars stand parked for a damn long time, even though there is no one around? This is rarely due to an ornithologist meeting, even if there is a good chance that the drivers are easy to spot.
In the car
And if you’ve worked up an appetite for more while wanking outside together, you can of course take someone with you – into the car. It makes you think back to the 70s, when people still went to drive-in cinemas because they couldn’t get their fix anywhere else. Those days are long gone, but sex in cars is still exciting. On the one hand, creative ideas are required on how to make it work within the spatial limits. Then, of course, you have to have the necessary muscle power to push yourself or the other person around or to hold out long enough in a certain position. And last but not least, of course, the thrill of being discovered.
You should not drive, however. In Munich, a little car once landed in the canal in front of the Bavarian Ministry. Well, there was something going on. If it gets too cramped in the car, you can try it on the car. Especially right after you turn off the engine, then the bonnet is still deliciously warm. Not smart at all to try this on a Smart.
Cool, by the way, if you are spotted doing it and there are crowds outside while you put on a show inside. If you are lucky enough, show what you have learned! If a trip to the car wash is necessary at the end of the show, don’t be surprised.
You will find other real places and learn how to socialise in them. And if you are lucky, show what you have learned!
On the internet
The place where people have been having sex with preference for some years now is the Internet. Cybersex (C6) combines several advantages: you come into contact with men you would never meet in life: Australians, politicians, tight-ass sisters who never go to pubs – not to mention the bösen lesbians who pretend to be guys to fuck around. Also, you don’t have to buy anyone a drink and you’re much less likely to have to listen to whole horrible life stories before you get a turn.
On the other hand, you can, and even must, answer questions about your stature, age, dick length and sexual preferences in an imaginative and marketing-strategic way. You can even send photos that have nothing even remotely to do with you. Every partner will thank you when you turn into his dream man. Last but not least, it almost doesn’t get safer from screen to screen in terms of contagiousness. By the way, we are talking exclusively about cybersex. If you plan to meet your partner live, completely different rules apply!
Problematic about the C6
The coordination between jerking off and typing, the constant sitting in front of the screen, doesn’t exactly increase your ability to form lasting connections with people, and it’s unpleasant but advantageous: In no other place can you get rid of the other person so quickly – clicking the mouse is fun. This is rarely nice, but sometimes quite justified, not to say necessary, for example when the other person does things that were not agreed upon (we don’t want to describe our experiences in detail because otherwise you would get irritated). On the other hand, your opponents (phew, what’s the plural of opponents?) can also turn you off. Since some people are less compassionate than us pastors, this can sometimes hurt. You have to put up with that in a manly way.
The disadvantage of cybersex is also (and in our humble opinion this is the biggest loss) that one has to do without many human stimuli: the smell, the feeling of a beard on the belly, the soft lips of a good kisser, the taste of his rosette and last but not least the warmth of another bod
Cybersex
Widely used: »Hello« or »hi« to send. Granted, it is a start, but a) it offers nothing to the other person, and b) it doesn’t give you any clarity about your chances.
Better to ask the direct question: »Hi, would you like to ’chat?« More clearly: »I like you.« Or hit on them straight away: »I would like to slide my fat strap between these lips«, »When I saw your rosette, I immediately got a hard-on« or »Wow, what a cock. I would like to have it between my legs now. « Of course, it makes sense to study the profile of your counterpart beforehand, so that you can address his preferences.
Once he has taken the bait, you can continue along the same lines. Write him your wishes and fantasies. Ask him about his. Above all, always remain very concrete. Metaphors can be misunderstood, and the widespread »Please read between my lines, because I don’t dare to write what I want« goes 95% in the pants – and not as pleasurable as hoped.
To get inspired for screen sex, it is helpful to study pornography, and the written kind at that.
Special tip: Surf through the straight chats under a female pseudonym. Choose a suitable name like Pussy, (M)Uschi, Dominatrix and go on the prowl. If you research the basics beforehand (at least the coveted measurements: 92/35/92), a straight guy will give you a good run for your money. Studying profiles also helps here to be able to respond specifically to his wishes. With straights, however, these are very limited. 80% of them want to be blown *gasp*. You don’t know how to do that well?
With webcam
The virtual world becomes a little more real when you get yourself a camera (webcam). Instead of just writing what you’re doing (jerking off, twirling nipples, sticking a dildo in, pumping your cock), you can show it to the »otherüber«. Modern technology even makes it possible to hear his voice at the same time, more or less well depending on the connection. The rest is then virtually like live, only without touching.
Inventive friends are always tinkering with ways to make virtual sex possible; this is called teledildonics. Full-body suits have proven to be of little use (apart from the costs, a counterpart is needed that has the ability to control them), but every now and then a dildo or a masturbator is offered that can be controlled remotely via the Internet and USB.
For webcam sex, you need (in addition to a computer, cam and possibly a microphone) a programme that connects you to the other person, which should be the least of your problems nowadays in the age of social media. Once you’ve connected with a guy, everything goes by itself.
InterNetiquette
With all your imagination, you should still follow a few rules. They are something like a code of honour for chatters, which unfortunately not everyone adheres to:
- Be friendly! Your counterpart is also on the net to have fun. Misunderstandings can be cleared up in a nice way.• When you send pictures of third parties, remember that your counterpart may meet the guy in your photo one day.
- If you pretend to be a woman, a transvestite or any other person you are not, don’t come out at the end. Let your partner think they’ve just had sex with the horniest person in the world.
- Don’t fall in love with your sex partner because they are probably cheating just like you.
- Be careful when he asks you if you can get to know each other. After you cum, the world is pretty damn rosy. Better say: »Let’s talk about it again tomorrow.«
- If you find inconsistencies in your opponent’s facts, don’t insult him right away. It‘s a game.
On the phone
The oral variant: lie on the couch and send your imagination on a journey.
Cost-effective: Have phone sex with someone you have already had sex with. This has many advantages. You know his body, he knows yours, you know his preferences, he knows yours. And the whole thing seems pretty damn honest, because it could be true. I would like to suck your cock now, like I did the other day. Remember when I pulled your pants down on the balcony …«
But of course that also works with people you »ve met« in the chat. Once you have made each other hot via the Internet, you call each other. However, this change of media (from the screen to the phone – from the eye to the ear) is not always positive. If you have imagined a different voice to this body, to this mind that can come up with such dirty sex fantasies during the screen chat, it can be difficult.
Therefore, back to phone sex with acquaintances. Many gay men lack the chutzpah to do this, but why? You usually know each other inside and out, you’ve heard the other person come and seen what a pale grimace he makes when he comes. So why not T6?
Just give it a try! What can happen? If the other guy doesn’t feel like it, hang up and do it yourself. Now you know how it works.
If you decide to use a pay service (most gay magazines are financed by these adverts), check the costs first and which phone line you use. At the B&B it can cost you your job; if you use your neighbour’s phone when you should be watering his flowers, your friendship may be at stake.
At sex parties
Some people like to go to sex parties. Not to make out with others, but to watch them having sex or to let them look at you. It’s stupid to always do it alone.
In big cities there are lots of events and orgies where there’s something to see, pubs often offer theme nights, but there’s also a lot going on in private. If you can’t find it in the tabloids, just have a look at the profiles in the chat. It can’t hurt to talk to the local sex shop owner. And if no one has made the effort yet, take the initiative yourself, because people who are always complaining are unattractive.
Jack-off parties
And since we are already on the subject of group disciplines, we would like to recall here the somewhat out-of-fashion jack-off parties. They were a huge hit in the mid-80s, simply because they offered a way to have sex and eliminate the risk of infection. However, since the introduction of combined therapy, the need for them has diminished considerably and a great forum for group masturbation has died. We think the institution of the J-O party is great because it is an ideal opportunity to learn from each other how to bring oneself to higher levels of pleasure; It’s an ideal opportunity to learn from each other how to take themselves to higher levels of pleasure without being distracted by sports teams in gas masks and uniforms competing in fist fights or urine-drinking championships, like at other sex parties.
Bukkake
Because we were already talking about the competitions: The deliberate shedding of sperm is called bukkake. Certainly, the roots of this sex practice go back to the 80s. The gay scene has only taken it up since the mid-90s. It’s not just about jerking someone off, but about the aesthetic and ritualistic execution of it. Different variations are known: In the case of the eyebrow stroke, one injects along the eyebrows towards the middle of the face, so that the sperm drips over the eyes. With an ear shot, you fill the ear canal of the kneeling man. With the nasal spray, you aim first into one nostril, then into the other, and chase the white juice into the forehead hairs – so to speak »biscuit wanking for advanced« and completely unsafe.
Groups can compete against each other in a kind of race. The team whose participants ejaculate first wins. A relay race is also possible, whereby the teams may only come one after the other and the order of the participants is determined beforehand.
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