Safety Philosophy FRIES is another guiding motif among many in BDSM, it serves as an acronym and can act as a guide during play. This approach originated with Planned Parenthood and is quickly gaining popularity as a method of ensuring that consent is indeed consensual. Some argue that all these approaches ultimately represent the same thing.
FRIES in BDSM – like, fries and bondage?!
It is true that they all address the same content, but from different angles. The numerous similarities, such as the element of consent, can be analysed and interpreted for significant differences. Various basic philosophies and principles exist for this purpose, which include different approaches and discussions. Here are some of the best known:
- Safe, Sane, Consensual (SSC)
- Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK)
- Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink (PRICK)
- Domination Enhanced Beyond Rule Induced Superiority (DEBRIS)
- Freely Given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, Specific (FRIES)
- Total Power Exchange (TPE)
- Complete and Irrevocable Submission (CIS)
Looking at these concepts could probably help you better understand and evaluate consent, responsibility and risk in order to find the most appropriate one for your practice.
What does the Safety Philosophy FRIES stand for?
The good thing about FRIES is that it focuses on consensual, informed and enthusiastic engagement in BDSM, helping to ensure a safe and fulfilling experience for all involved. It is easy to understand and follow, which is why it is often recommended as a guideline, especially for beginners.
Freely given
All parties involved have given their consent freely and without any coercion.
Reversible
Consent may be revoked at any time.
Informed
Each party involved has knowledge of the practices, their dangers and safety precautions.
Enthusiastic
All parties involved are enthusiastic about playing together. No one does anything just to do the other a favour.
Specific/specific
Consent is given specifically for a particular session, practice or period of time and should not be considered all-inclusive.
This is a relatively new model that places particular emphasis on regular discussions about consent and information awareness. This includes not only a detailed explanation of the practices themselves, but also the setting of personal limits (soft and hard limits). Therefore, it is also very suitable for beginners.
It is clearly agreed that consent can be withdrawn at any time, for example by using a safeword or a traffic light system. Once everyone is ready and looking forward to it, and aware that the previous arrangements apply to the upcoming session, the game can begin.
Consent is important
Every person has the right to say no and should learn to do so. Some people think that the absence of consent is equivalent to saying no, but this is not entirely true. Many people tolerate inappropriate behaviour out of fear of attracting attention or concern about appearing inhumane. However, it makes them feel uncomfortable because another person’s behaviour is bothering them, and that is not okay. When you consent, you are agreeing to something. But not giving consent is not the same as objecting to something, and that is an important distinction. If someone is doing (or wants to do) something you don’t want them to do, you should raise your voice and make it clear to that person that you want them to stop.
Some people believe that approval is not a big issue until it suddenly becomes one! They go on doing things that are not okay simply because no one complains, and interpret this as tacit approval. But at some point consent becomes a problem, and then it is too late. People make rash decisions or act in a drunken or drugged state. Some even do things they thought were a good idea at the time and regret them later.
What are the challenges with FRIES?
There are potential issues related to the Safety Philosophy FRIES:
- Communication: It requires open and honest communication between the people involved to discuss their preferences, boundaries and consent. However, it can be difficult to have these kinds of conversations, especially when it comes to intimate or sensitive issues.
- Misunderstandings: Despite detailed explanations and discussions, there is always the possibility of misunderstandings. People may have different interpretations of terms or actions, which can lead to conflict or unexpected situations.
- Pressure or influence: In some cases, a person may be pressured to give consent even if they do not actually want to. This can lead to unequal power relations and undermine the concept of consent.
- Uncertainty or change: Even if there is agreement at the beginning of a situation, feelings, preferences or boundaries may change over time. It is important that all participants have the opportunity to withdraw consent or adjust their boundaries, even during play.
- Lack of clarity or knowledge: Not everyone is familiar with the FRIES concept or has sufficient knowledge about themselves to clearly articulate their preferences and boundaries. This can lead to uncertainty or misunderstanding and jeopardise consent.
It is crucial to recognise these potential problems and take appropriate measures to ensure a safe and consensual environment. Open communication, respect for boundaries and ongoing consent are important aspects of addressing these challenges.
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