Ageplay in BDSM refers to a form of role play in which one man or several men pretend to have a different age identity or allow themselves to be treated. A person can appear either older or younger than in reality. Generally, however, the game focuses on impersonating a younger age. With the most popular ages often being babies, children or teenagers. However, it is important to note that ageplay does not necessarily have to include sexual aspects. The signs of an assumed age are often emphasised by overly childish clothing, the use of diapers, toys for children and colouring books. In addition, the “younger” participants often adopt linguistic expressions and behaviours that are perceived as age-appropriate or typical for the age being imitated.
The game of age identities: Why people want to assume different ages
The “older” playmate in ageplay finds pleasure in childlike elements that are also present in adults. And derives satisfaction from offering care, nurturing, comfort and teaching to the “younger” role-players. Adults who slip into the role of children often enjoy the opportunity to express their inner childlike feelings and reactions uninhibitedly.
Ageplay is about living out the childlike parts that exist in all of us. It is also a way of living out the need for care that is more pronounced in some people. It is important to emphasise that ageplay has nothing to do with paedophilia, a disorder of sexual preference.
In age play, existing power dynamics in BDSM can be taken into account and strengthened by consciously and freely assuming the “younger” submissive role. Many people see their childhood parts and behaviours as an integral part of their identity or as the basis for their relationships. Which is why ageplay should not be seen exclusively as fantasy role play. It is also not uncommon for individuals to incorporate familial roles in a sexual context. Roles such as “Daddy” on the one hand and “Little Boy” on the other are particularly common.
Usual Ageplay-Dynamicen
- Daddy Dom/little boy/Cargiver/little
The DDlb dynamic is not gender-specific. Any person, regardless of gender, can play both roles. The point is to create a version of the socially prescribed father/son dynamic. This can also be a mum/little boy dynamic or a non-gender specific carer/little boy role. The idea is that an older person takes care of an adolescent or child.
- Adult Babies/Diaper Lovers
Within the daddy/little boy dynamic, there are also people who love wearing nappies and/or being ‘babies’. These are “people known as ‘Adult Baby, Diaper Lovers’ or ABDLs”. Some of them like to slip into the role of a baby while wearing a nappy, while others can play any age but still wear a nappy.
- Caregiver (carer)/Brat
Another subtype of dynamic between caregiver and child is when the child is a “brat”. They are disobedient and the dad/carer hands out “punishments”. This can include spanking, sensory play, bondage etc. Not all submissives who refer to themselves as “brat” in BDSM play with age, but it’s worth noting that some do.
- Older person/younger person
Ageplay can also simply involve an “older person” who holds a “position of power” over the “younger person”. Think of: Teacher/scholar, coach/athlete, father/babysitter, etc. Imagine you are a naughty schoolboy and your partner is the older, sophisticated professor who shows you the ropes: this is provocative and is perceived as scandalous.
Ageplay in focus: important considerations and aspects to bear in mind
This form of play, especially when an adult takes on the role of a child, is often misunderstood. It is important to emphasise that people who engage in such games are not paedophiles and are not sexually attracted to children. Nevertheless, ageplay can be misunderstood within the BDSM scene and labelled as perverted.
It is important to explain to people objectively why you do what you do and how you feel about it. You should emphasise the childlike or – depending on the age chosen – caring aspects to the outside world. It is also important to emphasise that personal preferences should not override those of others. Because “Your kink is not my kink, but your kink is ok!” (Your kink is not my kink, but your kink is ok.)
For this reason, ageplay is often considered edge play and classified as RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink), as it can be reminiscent of paedophilia or incest cases and thus create certain triggers. However, fans of this type of game emphasise that ageplay is a consensual fantasy played by adults and does not involve real minors. Others view ageplay as a potential fringe game, as it can involve regressive psychological aspects that can jeopardise the psyche of those involved in various ways.
A safe introduction to ageplay: tips and advice for beginners
- Start your research: Firstly, you and your partner(s) should think about what you want to achieve in the ageplay scene. Research the different dynamics in ageplay to find out what appeals to you.
- Communication is key: Talk to your partner about it and find out if you’re both interested in exploring these roles together. As with all BDSM scenarios, these scenes need to be discussed and negotiated in detail in advance. Both people must be 100 per cent in agreement and respect each other’s wishes and boundaries. It can be helpful to write these down to use as general guidelines and adjust them as the relationship progresses.
- Consent is key: When people play together, everyone has the right to full consent. Ageplay involves role play and/or power swapping, where one or more adults slip into the role of another age group. Only consenting adults of legal age should participate in such games.
- Have a safe word: A safeword is a non-sexual word that signals to your partner that you want the game to stop. It means that a limit has been reached. Many people find it helpful to set a safeword in advance. With this, you can ensure that the game will stop if it feels too intense.
- Plan the aftercare: The aftercare is the ritual that couples perform after particularly intense scenes. Most people enjoy responding to each other’s needs and incorporating cuddling and other soothing behaviours to restore safety and well-being after play. This gives both partners the opportunity to reconnect, calm down and return to neutrality. Big and exciting role-playing adventures can involve a lot of emotions. It is important to take this into account so that everyone has the best possible experience.
|