Dating before dating. After you have successfully arranged your date, the anticipation builds. No matter where you met, the first meeting always brings challenges. Choosing a suitable dating location is one of them. It’s all about safety, privacy and the opportunity to talk to each other without being disturbed.
A fancy café may offer delicious coffee specialities, but if you want to talk about certain intimate topics, the other guests may feel disturbed. On the other hand, you might come across curious listeners in a billiard pub around the corner who are not so easy to shake off.
Decide on a well-frequented location for dating
A large crowd reduces the likelihood of unwanted incidents. Nevertheless, you should consider in advance how much privacy is needed to be able to discuss topics such as preferences, experiences and needs. It is therefore advisable to choose a lively dating location where you can have a safe and relaxed conversation. Some student cafés or alternative meeting places offer an open atmosphere where you can chat freely without fear of consequences.
Be familiar with the place!
Whether you’re taking your date to a restaurant, café or bar, it’s often advisable to choose a place that you already know. This way you are familiar with the entrances and exits, know the menu and the staff. It is definitely advisable to choose the same place more often for first dates, as the staff may recognise you. This also makes it easier for them to help you if necessary. However, it might not be your absolute favourite bar. Because if you don’t like your date but you do like this bar, you might bump into each other more often in the future without having a date.
Which dating location suits me? The pros and cons
The perfect date in a café – cosy and relaxed
Café meetings: Small one around the corner or reliable large chain? A large coffee house chain offers advantages such as an extensive menu and locations in busy areas such as railway stations or city centres. It makes it possible to meet at different locations, far away from home. However, it also conveys anonymity and can make it difficult to create the right atmosphere for open conversations about preferences and experiences. The presence of students and business people can increase the inhibition threshold. In addition, the limited physical contact in such an environment can be uncomfortable, and masks can become barriers. The flow of the conversation can be disrupted by having to go back to the bar for drinks. A meeting in a café in a student or family neighbourhood often creates a relaxed atmosphere. Alternative locations invite open communication and may even offer regular get-togethers on specific topics.
However, when children are around, 18+ topics can pose a challenge. Either by using code words for certain practices or by engaging in a nasty eye duel with parents. Nosy waiters who check the fill level of drinks every 13 minutes and interrupt the conversation can also be inhibiting. The great thing about a casual coffee date is that you don’t have to dress super chic or super sexy. Almost any outfit style is acceptable here, as long as it’s suitable for everyday life.
The perfect meeting place in a bar – casual and intimate
Alcohol in the BDSM scene is always a controversial topic. It is often said: “Don’t drink and kink“. Therefore, an important note: Alcoholic drinks can lighten the mood and stimulate the imagination. But they should not be consumed excessively or all the time. The goal is to enjoy dating, not to survive it. Make sure you choose a bar where the music is not too loud but still creates a pleasant atmosphere. A business bar can be a good choice as the crowd can be both professional and private and the staff are often attentive. However, whether you want to talk about erotic topics such as bondage is up to you.
A trendy bar can use a selection of music as a topic of conversation. And offer different genres such as jazz, rock, metal or hipster. This can lead to the conversation drifting in other directions, away from the sexual. Living room bars often have an intimate atmosphere, but this can sometimes give a false sense of security, as they exude cosiness and closeness and may tempt you to make first advances too early. If people at the neighbouring table are talking about topics such as Nietzsche and flat-sharing parties, you can also discuss regulars’ tables and shibari. In general, these locations invite open conversations, as intensive exchanges take place here. A bar also offers a great opportunity to dress up and show off your best side. However, a casual and relaxed look is also appropriate in most bars.
Food in the restaurant – timeless and classic
Dating in a restaurant: romantic, timeless, classic and yet with a few challenges. In addition to the points already mentioned, which are also relevant in cafés, there are other things to bear in mind. You should both like the restaurant’s cuisine, otherwise there may be discrepancies in the choice of dishes. In addition, the higher bill at the end is often unpleasant, as the question arises as to who will pay it.
Another aspect is the duration of the restaurant visit. It often takes longer, from sitting down to ordering to eating. It can happen that after a few minutes you realise that you would rather leave, but are involuntarily bound by the order. The financial aspect should also not be forgotten. On the other hand, a restaurant offers many opportunities to get to know each other better. You can share dishes, talk about culinary preferences and swap stories about past experiences.
As a rule, restaurants are designed so that you can linger longer. The tables are larger and the meal times longer than in a bar or café. Therefore, restaurants are well suited for longer and more intimate conversations to get to know each other better. For this reason, restaurants are perhaps more suitable for a second or third date after the first meeting has gone well. For a restaurant date, there are many options in terms of outfit, be it classic, chic, sexy or casual. However, it can also lead to amusing situations if one of you is more particular about your choice of clothes. Don’t let this put you off, but address it in a humorous way to break the ice.
Women in the park – on the move and on the move
A relaxed walk through the city or the park offers the opportunity to use and utilise your local knowledge. The advantage of meeting outdoors is that you don’t have to sit opposite each other the whole time like in restaurants or cafés, which reduces the pressure of having to talk continuously. If there are a few minutes of silence during the walk, you can simply look around and, if in doubt, use something from your surroundings as a conversation starter.
A walk is also particularly suitable for a meeting during the day, preferably at a time when many people are out and about. This gives you additional security in your surroundings. Going for a walk is a great opportunity to prolong the date by suggesting you enjoy a coffee, snack or meal after an hour in the fresh air. If the mood is right, you can also find romantic spots outside where you can exchange warm words.
Communal activity – spontaneous and interactive
Whether it’s a visit to a museum, the zoo, bouldering, a reading, an escape room or the cinema – active dates offer an exciting change of pace and go beyond mere conversation. Shared experiences create a special bond that will be remembered for a long time. It is important to note that there are usually other people present at such activities, be it staff or other visitors. It can therefore be difficult to converse freely in such an environment.However, the presence of other people also provides a certain level of security. If you both have a common interest outside of BDSM, this often provides a solid foundation. You can explore your shared interests and talk about them afterwards. However, you should be careful not to become too fixated on this particular activity, as it can be difficult to talk about other topics.
In the club or at a party – dark and wicked
If you’re looking for an intense experience, why not go to an exciting party, swingers club or event? But before you decide, there are a few important points to consider:
- Know the location, the guests and the staff and feel safe there.
- Do the organisers set rules and are they adhered to?
- Consider how far you should go at the first meeting.
The controversy around “playing on the first date” is huge and understandably controversial. Make sure you communicate your boundaries clearly and make sure someone is there to support you if needed. Have an emergency plan in place and only make decisions that you have carefully considered. It is important that you can get away from the event independently if necessary.
If something goes wrong at the game, most people present will be familiar with the rules, such as the traffic light system or international safewords. If you signal red, mayday or call for help, people will act accordingly. Kicking it with strangers or playing anonymously may seem wicked and erotic. However, if you want to build a long-term and intense connection, it should be more than just a sexy fantasy for the first date.
At home – pure privacy
“Just come to my home” We all know from TV programmes that the place where someone lives reveals more about their character than words in a chat window. The idea of cooking together, watching a film and relaxing on your own couch is tempting. But remember: you are entering another person’s territory. We often feel more relaxed and confident in our own four walls. However, this also means that it can be difficult to leave your home if you feel uncomfortable. To summarise: your own home – whether yours or your date’s – is rather unsuitable for the first date. If there’s a spark between you, you’ll spend enough time in your own four walls.
Stay flexible for dating!
If your conversation is still flowing so well after the third coffee, then be open to a change of location. How about a walk through the city or a nearby park? You could go to a restaurant or a cosy pub, maybe even to your home. Be spontaneous and plan an activity together that you both enjoy. Remember that the first date is the beginning. Some dates end early, others may only be a fleeting experience, but some could be the start of something long-lasting and wonderful. Set yourself limits and goals for the evening, but also keep an open mind for new possibilities and don’t get too caught up in fixed ideas.
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