The glorious centre of a BDSM session is often the obvious instruments of desire – whips, bondage, leather and latex. But just a stone’s throw away lies an inconspicuous, often overlooked component that ties the whole game together and takes it to a higher level. It is time to shine the spotlight on it: The quiet, loving art of Aftercare.
The be-all and end-all of aftercare
Do you think of warm blankets and soothing conversations now? That’s right, but that’s not all. There are so many other ways you can comfort your partner after an intense session. Especially if it’s your first time, be gentle and cautious. Aftercare is like a delicate jewel, it requires gentle and loving handling.
It is like a delicious, healing dessert after the main course of a session. It is the sweet time when the players catch each other, as if they were gentle parachutes that bring them safely back down to earth. Your gentle voice may take the first step and lovingly ask how your partner is feeling. Is he breathing more slowly and does he look relaxed? Then take his hand, gently stroke it and give him the reassurance he needs. Talk about your journey, reflecting on the ups and downs and exchanging loving touches – all to murmur to the nervous system, “All is well, you are safe”.
The combination of physical intimacy and emotional connection is particularly energising. It is a magical dance of intimacy that is not limited to the immediate moment after the session. No, this dance can go on for days, even weeks afterwards, whenever one of the dance partners feels the need for more. In the world of aftercare, there is no room for shame – only honest, raw emotion and deepest connection. It’s about focusing on, accepting and embracing what is felt after the game without reservation.
What to consider:
The art of aftercare, dear, is as individual as a fingerprint. Everyone has their own preferences, desires and needs. It’s like a tailored jacket – it should always be discussed before the game and adjusted to the right size, especially if you are playing with a new partner, and you don’t know each other that well. Some people prefer solitude after the game, they appreciate the distance, while others seek the warmth of closeness and gentle touch.
The care in aftercare does not end when the game is over. If your sub is injured, it is important to take care of healing and recovery, even if the wounds become visible later. The same applies to the dreaded “drop”, which is sometimes delayed. Loving care should never depend on performance or behaviour. This is not about judgement or evaluation, but about basic humanity and respect. Refusing aftercare as a form of punishment or pressure is an absolute no-go. It can have serious emotional consequences and is definitely not part of the game.
And remember, Aftercare is not just for subs. Even doms have needs and can suffer a “drop”. They may feel shame or guilt for transgressing social taboos. Everyone needs love, care and understanding after the game.
How to give aftercare?
For many, non-sexual, loving counselling is the first step in gently returning to reality. Some, however, prefer to keep the erotic fire burning and reach the pinnacle of pleasure with the help of a partner or a toy.
Talk and positive feedback: Just hearing your playmate’s voice can be incredibly soothing. Use this time to talk about the happy moments of the session that brought a smile to your face, and to thank each other for the experience.
But if something didn’t go so smoothly, or you didn’t like as much, keep those points for a less intense moment. And when you do address them, use the first-person perspective to share your feelings and perceptions.
You can also enjoy a snack together or a cup of soothing tea. Watch a light, funny film together or run a playlist of your favourite songs. A relaxing nap or a leisurely walk can also work wonders. Always keep in mind: It’s all about calming the waves and finding inner peace.
Precisely said
Here are the tips and instructions, once again clearly summarised, on how you can best approach Aftercare after a BDSM session:
- Open communication: Before and after the session, you should talk openly and honestly with your partner about your needs. Everyone has different ideas about aftercare, and it is important to clarify these in advance to ensure that both partners are well looked after.
- Physical care: After an intense session, it can be very soothing to just cuddle or caress each other. Also, remember to provide water or a snack to rehydrate and refuel the body after an exhausting session.
- Positive affirmation: Share what you enjoyed most about the session and thank each other for the experience. Positive reinforcement can help to boost self-esteem and alleviate any insecurities or fears.
- Time to recover: Both physically and emotionally, a BDSM session can be exhausting. It is important to take enough time to recover afterwards. This can mean snuggling up in your favourite clothes, reading a good book or taking a relaxing walk.
- Check-ins: Even days after the session, it can be helpful to ask each other how the other is doing. Some effects, such as the so-called “drop”, can be delayed, and regular check-ins can ensure that both partners are well looked after.
- Respect boundaries: Remember that aftercare should be a space of care and respect. This means that each other’s needs and boundaries should always be respected.
The most important thing is that you do what works best for you and your partner. There is no “right” or “wrong” in aftercare – it’s about what feels good and right for you.
And now … me?
A session can feel like a marathon – physically and mentally intense and often quite exhausting. That’s why it’s important to give yourself some self-care afterwards, too, to process everything you’ve experienced in your own way. Selfcare is about taking time for yourself, nurturing your inner wellbeing and recharging your batteries. Remind yourself to drink enough water, put on your most comfortable clothes and do something that makes you happy.
How about a hot bath and some delicious chocolate, a walk in the fresh air followed by a relaxing meditation, a good book, your favourite food or film? Or maybe even all of the above? Some people find it helpful to write down their thoughts and feelings, as a kind of S&M diary. In the end, only one thing matters: what makes you feel good is the right way. Give yourself permission to be yourself and to take care of yourself in your own way.
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