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With a BDSM collar, you signal your affiliation with the community and gain the ability to identify submissive individuals. But does it always work? Not necessarily! There are men who wear the “Ring of O” purely for decorative or fashion reasons. So, should you strike up a conversation with everyone wearing such a collar on the subway? That’s the question. We’ll explain what the “Ring of O” is all about, how to choose the perfect collar, and how to wear it safely.
What is the “Ring of O”?
The “Ring of O” isn’t a BDSM collar but rather a finger ring resembling a slave collar. It features a small ring at the front for the dominant partner to attach a chain or leash. These rings are often called “O-rings.” But where does the name come from?
It originates from a scandalous novel titled The Story of O, written by Pauline Réage in 1975. The protagonist, a slave named “O,” received the “O-ring” from her Dom as a form of identification. Anyone who recognized its meaning was allowed to engage with the slave sexually. To this day, the “O-ring” is considered a token of ownership that a Dom gives to their submissive.
“O-rings” as Recognition Symbols in BDSM – Yes or No?
Today, the “O-ring” is usually worn with a BDSM collar. While it can serve as a symbol of a BDSM relationship, it can also be merely a piece of fetish fashion. The roles of dominance and submission can often be inferred from the ring.
Wearing a BDSM collar with an “O-ring” clearly identifies you as a submissive. However, when the “O-ring” is worn as a finger ring, its meaning depends on the hand it’s worn on. On the left hand, it signifies dominance; on the right hand, it indicates the status of “slave.” At this point, you should ask yourself: Do you want everyone in everyday life to know you practice BDSM?
Many in the BDSM scene choose to wear their accessories only in private settings such as meetups, parties, or specialized events. After all, your boss, family, or “vanilla” friends don’t need to peek into your bedroom activities.
Buying BDSM Gear – Types of Collars
If you’re looking to buy a collar for yourself or your partner, there’s a wide range of options available. Manufacturers regularly release new designs, and your personal taste plays a significant role. BDSM collars can generally be divided into two types:
Session Collars
These are worn during sessions and have practical uses. In puppy play, they’re used to attach a leash; in bondage, they serve to restrain or secure your partner. These collars are often made of leather, adorned with studs, and equipped with “O-rings” for attaching chains or restraints.
Decorative Collars
These collars are made of softer, more comfortable materials for everyday wear. Simple models are often made of silicone and may feature phrases like Slut, Bitch, or Slave, signifying the wearer’s submissive role. These collars lack “O-rings” and are purely decorative.
What to Consider When Choosing a BDSM Collar
- For outsiders, BDSM can appear intimidating or dangerous. However, what most people don’t realize is that safety is a top priority in the BDSM community. True BDSM practitioners ensure their partners are not put in danger or exposed to serious health risks. Whether during roleplay or sadistic sessions, consent and safety are non-negotiable.
- When selecting a collar, it’s important for both the Top and the Bottom to make the choice together. If your partner sees wearing a BDSM collar as a soft or hard limit, respect that. Not everyone wants to display their relationship dynamic publicly, and some people may simply find the feeling of a collar around their neck threatening. That’s perfectly okay—a submissive doesn’t need to wear a collar to be devoted to you.
- The neck is a sensitive area, so caution is paramount. Even if a collar fits snugly, it should never restrict breathing or blood flow to the head.
Important: Never use a BDSM collar to secure a standing partner. If they collapse or lose consciousness, the situation can become life-threatening. Strangulation, oxygen deprivation, or even death are possible outcomes—this goes against the core principles of BDSM safety.
Who Buys the BDSM Collar in a Relationship?
Are you planning to collar your submissive? Or perhaps you’re the submissive and would like to wear a collar to show your devotion to your partner? The good news: there’s no rule dictating who should buy the collar.
If you’re a Dom planning to purchase a collar for your submissive, discuss it with them first. Seriously—some people simply don’t want to wear a collar, and forcing the issue will only lead to frustration. Similarly, if you’re a submissive wanting to wear a collar, talk to your Dom. Some Doms may find it too assertive if their submissive independently decides to wear a collar.
Communication is the key, and shopping together can often be a fun experience for both of you.
Shopping Tips – How to Choose the Right BDSM Collar
If you want a collar that is decorative, safe, and practical, keep these key points in mind:
- Material: Leather, faux leather, silicone, or metal? The material is crucial because the collar will sit directly against the neck. For extended wear, padding is essential to prevent chafing and discomfort.
- Functionality: Is it for fashion or practical use? If you want a BDSM collar with added utility, choose one with “O-rings” for restraints or a leash. Collars without these features are purely decorative and unsuitable for sessions.
- Fit: Every neck is different. Measure the wearer’s neck before shopping. Adjustable collars are ideal as they can be tailored to fit comfortably.
Tip: Look for BDSM sets if you want more than just a collar. These often include matching leashes and cuffs for a complete experience.
Conclusion: A BDSM Collar is More Than Just Jewelry
After exploring The Story of O, it’s clear that an “O-ring” or a collar with an “O-ring” carries deep significance beyond mere decoration. However, even if you find the book or its adaptation fascinating, remember: just because someone wears an “O-ring” and you understand its meaning doesn’t give you carte blanche.
The mainstream has increasingly adopted BDSM accessories, making it harder to discern potential Doms and Subs.
When in doubt, it’s always better to ask or look for signals before assuming you’re invited to engage.
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