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Lies, an affair, a fling at the club – there are many reasons why trust in a relationship can be broken. A breakup isn’t always the automatic consequence, as love doesn’t disappear instantly after a mistake or tough time. However, without trust, relationships have little chance of surviving, making it all the more important to rebuild it. A healthy partnership means being able to rely on each other 100%. Use our tips to rebuild trust after it has been broken = breach of trust.
Silence is Silver, Talking is Gold?
You’re right – the saying is actually the other way around. But after a breach of trust, talking becomes crucial for both you and your partner. If you’re disappointed or even cheated on, don’t bottle up your feelings. Suppressing them won’t help and might even make you sick in the worst case.
Hurt feelings are normal after a breach of trust, and unfortunately, distrust now becomes part of daily life. There’s also anger, especially if your partner’s affair happened recently or you just caught them lying. You might feel like you don’t want to see them at all and not believe anything they say. That’s okay, and you’re allowed to communicate that.
Finding the Reasons for the Breach of trust
“I was horny” might be one of the main reasons for a hookup in a club bathroom, but sometimes other factors are at play. Whether you were cheated on or had the fling yourself, the following reasons could be the cause:
- The sex between you isn’t as thrilling as it used to be.
- You feel unappreciated in the relationship and sought validation elsewhere.
- You have issues with alcohol or drugs, making it hard to control your behavior.
Cheating isn’t the only type of betrayal that can occur in a relationship. Lies also play a significant role. You lost your job but didn’t tell your partner. You’re in debt and kept it hidden. These are critical issues affecting both of you, but they were kept secret, which is a common problem.
In these cases, too, it’s essential to find out what the real issue was. Did you not trust your partner enough? Were you overwhelmed or ashamed of the situation? Whatever the reason, talk about it and find out why things reached this point.
Working on the Relationship Together and Rebuilding Trust
You both know you want to save your relationship, but the issue still lingers like an elephant in the room. Working on the relationship means identifying the reasons and then finding ways to resolve them together.
Common issues that can strain a relationship include:
- Different needs between partners.
- One person’s self-confidence is significantly diminished.
- Financial problems and inequality leading to conflicts.
- One person invests far more time and emotions into the relationship.
Let’s be honest: not every relationship can be saved when trust is completely shattered. Sometimes the needs of two people are so different that there’s no common ground. In such cases, a friendly and fair separation might give both of you the chance to find happiness in the future.
Patience is a Virtue and the Foundation for New Trust
Think back to the time when you first got together. You were excited about each other, but deep trust wasn’t there yet. That’s a completely normal process because you had to get to know and love each other first. Now, you’re facing the same task again. Trust must grow, and that requires patience above all else.
If you can’t do it alone, consider couples therapy. Many find that having a neutral, objective person analyze the problems and suggest solutions can be helpful.
Keep in mind: setbacks in your relationship will likely happen again. You may think you’ve moved past the breach of trust, only for doubt to resurface suddenly. That’s normal and will diminish over time.
Five Tips to Rebuild Trust if You Messed Up!
You’re not the one who was cheated on – you’re the one who made the mistake? You lied, messed up, and now you’re fighting for your love? We’re not here to judge, as nobody is perfect. But you do need to step up if you want to get your relationship back on track.
Use our five tips to win back your lover’s feelings and, most importantly, their trust:
- Be brutally honest: Actively seek out the conversation with your partner and own up to your mistakes. Talk about feelings like remorse and explain what led you to do what you did. Don’t expect immediate forgiveness, but your partner might better understand how it happened.
- Spend time with your partner: After a slip-up or breach of trust, it’s crucial to spend time together. But respect your partner’s pace. If they need space or aren’t ready to try out new sex toys with you, give them that room. Emotional wounds are painful, like recovering from an accident. Healing is possible, but it often takes time.
- Avoid further lies: Are there any more secrets that could hurt your partner? Now is the time to come clean. Do not, under any circumstances, start a new lie. A freshly rebuilt foundation of trust will crumble even faster. Also, think about how you can reassure your partner. Did you cheat while they thought you were at the gym? At first, they’ll probably be suspicious every time you go to work out, and that’s understandable. Make it easier for them by sending a pic from the gym or a nice message, without them even asking for it. That way, they know you’re really training and not meeting up with your fling.
- Communicate more: Some situations can seem ambiguous, even if there’s no ill intention. If you’re texting your colleague all evening because they don’t understand a project, let your partner know and include them. Otherwise, they’ll wonder again and again if you’re messaging your affair partner.
- Listen to them: Sorry, but now your partner’s needs are the priority. If they want to talk about the mistake, give them the chance. Even if you’d rather avoid the painful topic, this is where you need to face the music. They didn’t have a choice when you broke their trust, so now you need to allow them to express their feelings. Once you’ve talked it through and cleared the air, new trust can begin to grow.
Breach of trust – Now What? Saving Your Relationship Takes Time
Whether you’re the one betrayed or the one who betrayed, rebuilding trust requires patience, time, and effort. If both of you are committed, there’s a chance for reconciliation, but it will take a lot of work.
If over time you realize that, despite your best efforts, things just aren’t working, it’s important to recognize that too. Sometimes, it’s better to end things than drag them out indefinitely.
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