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The use of dating apps is trendy. They offer you an easy, fast, convenient way to meet new people or maybe even to meet the love of your life. However, the simple search for a partner via a dating app can quickly turn into a nightmare, because online searches also have their pitfalls. Phenomena such as ghosting, catfishing or false expectations and illusions can quickly push your psyche to its limits. So what would a healthy use of Tinder & Co. look like? We’ll give you a few tips on how to enjoy online dating in a “healthy” way.
Choosing the right dating app
When choosing the right app, the saying “spoiled for choice” applies. There are countless dating apps available today, but of course not all of them are right for what you are looking for. If you are looking for a serious relationship, you should choose a reputable platform. This may mean that you have to pay for the services, but such dating apps usually attract users who are seriously looking for a relationship. If you just want a no-strings-attached hot date for a pure sex session that involves fucking or a passionate game with dildos or other sex toys, apps like Grindr, Gayromeo or Scruff will usually do the trick.
Set “deal breakers”
Even before you sign up for an online dating site, you should consider what your absolute deal breakers are, i.e. intolerable character traits and behaviors. Determine what behavior you will not tolerate, such as disrespectful behavior, racist comments, or drug use. If a contact behaves in this way, report it directly to the platform. This way, you can help the platform operators to make online dating safer for others too. Also decide how you want to deal with ghosting. It can be quite nerve-wracking for you and can also negatively affect your self-image if someone suddenly stops paying attention to you, doesn’t answer, doesn’t get in touch and completely ignores any of your attempts to contact them. Set yourself a time limit for trying to contact a person before you delete them.
Authenticity in your profile
Once you’ve found the dating app that meets your requirements, create a profile. When you create the profile, be honest about yourself and write in the way you normally write. Also, be sure to avoid uploading old pictures of yourself or even using photos that don’t show you at all. False information or outdated pictures will come back to haunt you on your first real date at the latest, when the person you’re dating realizes you’ve cheated. This not only makes a bad impression, but also leads to great disappointment and mistrust on the other side. Always be honest with yourself and your contacts. Include a few details about yourself in your profile description, but don’t go into too much detail. You still need something to talk about later.
Look at other profiles carefully
What applies to your own profile should also be a matter of course for the profiles of your contacts. If someone messages you or you want to contact someone, always take a look at their profile first. As a rule, you can quickly tell whether the person has taken care in filling out the form and choosing pictures or whether it might even be catfishing (i.e., a fake online identity).
A simple example: You love to relax on the beach during vacation, enjoy listening to classical music and love to cook. In a candidate’s profile, you read that he is an absolute trekking freak who likes to travel around on vacation, is into hard rock and is passionate about eating fast food. That doesn’t sound like a dating “match”. Of course, opposites can also attract, but there should be one or two common passions in your profiles.
Trust your gut
Whenever you look at profiles on a dating app, listen to your gut instinct and ask yourself whether you have a good feeling about the person, whether they appeal to you and send you positive signals. If there is anything that puts you off about them, it’s better not to make contact or at least be careful. Always take the liberty of taking a break if a contact overwhelms you in some way. When it comes to online dating, you can always proceed at your own pace and you don’t have to keep up with the pace of the person you’re dating. For example, don’t be impressed by the manipulation that goes on through so-called love bombing. It’s always important to communicate honestly and clearly what you want and need.
Get the right mindset for online dating
Before you start your dating adventure, be aware that online dating can always lead to misunderstandings. That’s why you shouldn’t try to read anything into everything. It also makes sense to expect rejection from the outset. Rejection doesn’t automatically mean that there’s something wrong with you; it can also simply mean that you’re just not right for the other person. There’s nothing wrong with you, it’s just that the chemistry wasn’t right. After all, not everyone can please everyone. That’s perfectly normal given the number of people who use dating apps. If someone rejects you, remember that it says more about them than it does about you.
What you should not do is try to optimize yourself to protect yourself from being disparaged or rejected by other users of the dating app. No date is worth rejecting yourself or developing an eating disorder. Don’t be carried away by any ideal images (many pictures are completely fake or at least enhanced using photo editing software).
Dating apps and loneliness
The internet and social networks have ensured that many of our activities no longer take place in the real world, but in virtual reality. Dating apps offer the opportunity to get in touch with other people and feel less lonely without leaving our own four walls. But there is also a risk in this. Being out and about in the real world, going on dates, meeting friends, pursuing our hobbies or simply enjoying nature – all of these things awaken feelings in us that life in a virtual world could never evoke because, in terms of our senses, it is only “two-dimensional” (visual and acoustic). The feeling of an embrace, the smell of a good perfume or the taste of a fantastic meal are lost and limit our perception. After a long chat session on the internet, we usually won’t feel like we’ve done something good for ourselves.
Can you be addicted to dating apps?
That’s a legitimate question, because a dating app also aims to keep users on it for as long as possible. This can certainly lead to addictive behavior. If you notice that you are investing more money in the app than you wanted to, or that swiping on your dating app is becoming more important to you than going to the gym or calling your parents, for example, you should sit up and take a self-test. Delete the app on Monday and don’t use it for four weeks. If you can do that without any problems, you’re fine. But if you have it back on your phone by Friday at the latest, you might have a problem. To avoid the risk of addiction, experts suggest a very conscious use of a dating app, along the lines of: self-confidence is good, control is better. This is how you can use dating apps in a healthy way.
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