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Fear means exactly what it says, and that is precisely what it is all about when people in the BDSM scene talk about “fear play.” “Playing with fear” (fear games) takes place in a safe environment, but the goal is for the bottom to experience fear and, as a result, sexual pleasure. Depending on how it is carried out, fear play can also become a dangerous borderline experience that requires a great deal of trust. We’ll tell you exactly what this type of play involves, how it is carried out, and what practices are typical.
Why do some people like fear play?
Fear has the fundamental function of protecting us from danger and making us capable of defending ourselves. When we face a (subjective or objective) danger, the body is flooded with adrenaline and cortisol. The heart beats faster, the flight instinct awakens, and we are significantly more capable of performing during the period of danger. Fear play is about using the emotions of fear to experience sexual intoxication.
When dopamine and adrenaline flood your bloodstream, you are at the mercy of a veritable cocktail of emotions. The so-called “fight or flight mode” is activated. In a fraction of a second, your brain tries to decide whether to flee the situation or fight.
In fear games or fear plays, you don’t have that option, because the dom decides how long you stay in a fear-inducing situation. In extreme cases, fear players put their own lives in the hands of their partner and trust that they will not be endangered. But the question remains in the back of your mind: “What if it gets really dangerous?”
The most common types of fear play
Playing with fear involves many different practices, most of which are practiced in the BDSM scene. Basically, you should only engage in such an adventure if you want to and if you trust your partner completely. An important safety mechanism is a safeword or a gesture that allows you to end the fear games immediately. We will now introduce you to some of the most common forms of fear play, which vary in how risky they are.
Role-playing
The design of role-playing games is so diverse that it is difficult to assess the risk. Typical scenarios involve one person kidnapping, capturing, torturing, raping, or even sacrificing the other. Some doms have their sub kidnapped by a third person to make the fear games even more realistic. This is one of the most extreme forms of fear play, as the risk is then placed in the hands of a third party.
Knife play
Knife play is dangerous and, at the same time, extremely erotic for many fans of fear play. The dom uses a knife to ensure the sub’s willingness. Blood play and knife play are often combined. The dom deliberately cuts their partner and causes injuries. This is an extremely dangerous practice because even if the cuts are not deep, they can become infected afterwards.
Needle play
For many men, even the thought of having blood drawn is unpleasant, and needle play plays precisely on this fear of needles. The dom uses needles from syringes, but also staplers and skin staplers to inflict pain on the other person or at least threaten to do so.
A typical game might look like this: The sub is blindfolded while the dom moves a syringe with a needle over their body. If the sub is already afraid of needles, the deprivation intensifies this fear even further. They never know whether the dom will stab them or when they will do so. The anticipation puts the body in a permanent state of adrenaline and tension.
Sensory deprivation
The deprivation of senses triggers extreme anxiety in many people. It starts with blindfolding, but often goes much further in BDSM. Masks are used to take over the sub’s breathing. The dom decides how much air is supplied from outside or whether, for example, poppers gas is released through the mask.
An extreme form of deprivation is carried out with aids such as latex vacuum beds. The entire body is “captured,” sometimes in the form of mummification with plastic sheeting or complicated restraints.
Each of the five senses can be deprived in these fear games. The highest level is the deprivation of all senses, including physical restraint. Typical aids are:
- Peppermint oils under the nose to manipulate smell
- Blindfolds or contact lenses with a blinding effect
- In-ear headphones with white noise effect
- Burning food to dull the sense of taste
- Numbing creams to (partially) reduce feelings
What sounds harmless at first quickly becomes real torture and a game with fear. You have to imagine complete sensory deprivation as a prison. You receive no external stimulation and are controlled only by your dom.
Barebacking
This form of fear play is dangerous and not recommended. In barebacking, the sub intentionally refrains from safe sex and thus risks contracting a sexually transmitted disease. In some BDSM relationships, the fear of disease is used to play with the sub’s fear.
Example: The dom offers his sub “strange men” for sex and orders them not to wear condoms. This causes the sub to feel great fear of infection, as numerous diseases can be transmitted without a condom. In a responsible relationship, however, the dom will have ensured beforehand that the strangers have been tested for STIs. The sub therefore feels fear of a danger that does not actually exist. Nevertheless, this form of fear play is extremely risky.
What you need to watch out for in fear play
Fear play requires blind trust, as certain practices involve significant risks. When the sub becomes frightened and panicked, their rational thinking is shut down and they are often unable to communicate clearly. This means that the role of reason is transferred to the dom, who must not only be aware of the dangers, but also the limits of their partner.
Fear is one of the worst sensations a person can experience. When fear is perceived as exciting, two strong emotions mix together. The emotional strain should never be underestimated; fear play can lead to an emotional breakdown. Even trauma is possible, especially with kidnapping games, rape play, and similar practices.
There are therefore five basic requirements that must always be observed when engaging in fear play:
- Inform yourself in advance about all potential dangers.
- Prepare countermeasures that are effective in the event of panic attacks, for example.
- Have emergency numbers handy in case of serious danger.
- Learn the limits and agree on a gesture to signal an immediate end.
- Do not engage in fear play if you have an underlying mental illness.
Every fear game carries a risk, which you must be aware of in advance. Blood and knife play in particular, but also scenarios such as kidnapping, can cause physical injury and psychological trauma. You are taking a risk, even if previous fear play has not had any consequences.
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