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When you first dive into the topic of fisting, you’ll likely be glad to know someone with experience in this realm. Sure, you can find theoretical guides, but are they really practical? Questions about safety, techniques, and myths might haunt you as you prepare for your first experiences. Fortunately, the fisting community is here to gently support you every step of the way, right? Well, there is some sort of community, but it’s surrounded by plenty of myths.
Does everyone in the fisting community love each other?
The first big misconception is that all “fisters” are best buddies. Especially as a beginner, it’s comforting to think there are seasoned helpers out there eager to guide you.
Ouch—reality looks a little different. You’ll probably never meet a significant portion of the fisting community in your lifetime. Even more so, many people don’t even talk about their sexual preferences. Who’s to say your boss doesn’t regularly engage in fisting or that the grumpy guy at the DMV isn’t just irritable because his rear end is sore?
In fact, fisting and open communication often don’t go hand in hand in the community. There’s a small subset of individuals who loudly share their experiences, adorn themselves with fisting-themed stickers, and desperately seek attention. But most fisters are quiet enthusiasts who rarely discuss their interests.
Fun Fact: Not everyone who fists is part of a harmonious “everyone-loves-each-other” community. Discrimination, exclusion, bullying, and snide remarks are just as common here as anywhere else. A specific sexual preference doesn’t automatically make you a great person. Do you like pizza? There are jerks who also love pizza, but that doesn’t make you instant friends.
Trust and intimacy aren’t inherent in the fisting community. The only thing you might have in common is that your rear end isn’t just for output—it gets plenty of input too. Maybe you even use the same fisting dildo. But that doesn’t make you brothers, friends, or part of a loving community.
What the Fisting Community Can Offer
Feeling disillusioned and disappointed because you imagined chatting with your fisting friends over coffee about the elasticity of your openings? It’s not impossible to find a micro-community of like-minded people with whom you can openly discuss techniques, experiences, and more. However, expecting all fisters to belong to one big, loving network is simply unrealistic. That doesn’t mean these connections aren’t worthwhile:
- Build casual contacts worldwide and meet people while traveling.
- Share experiences and discuss safety, techniques, and other topics online.
- Get great recommendations for steamy videos or high-quality toys.
- Learn tips and tricks from seasoned veterans to make things easier.
- Chat about everything under the sun with people who also enjoy “a fist in the rear.”
The fisting community isn’t useless. Instead of expecting a global network, focus on local friendships and connections. It’s much more realistic to form a small group where you can exchange ideas or even organize a fisting meetup. By the way, if you have questions about safety, organizations like AIDS support groups often provide helpful information.
Micro-Communities: The Big Goal for Fisters
Feeling left out? Like everyone else is having more fun while you struggle to fit in? Welcome to the lives of most queer people, even those who seem confident and fabulous. We’ve all been on the sidelines, wanting to be part of the center, held back by our own thoughts. But that’s not the reality. Expectations are the main issue we all face.
Belonging is the goal, but it doesn’t have to be a global fisting community. True happiness lies in micro-communities and local connections that bring you into the fold.
You don’t need a pack of fisters at your back. Your community is wherever you feel comfortable. Whether it’s two people or ten, this is where you can truly be yourself, accepted and appreciated for who you are. Your age? Skin color? Diameter? Doesn’t matter—your micro-community knows and accepts you as you are.
Don’t Compare Yourself to Others
When you look at the fisting community on Instagram or X (formerly Twitter), you might see big parties, global connections, and feel like the odd one out. How long has it been since you got invited to a party? Too long? Why didn’t “XY” include you?
Comparing yourself to others is one of the worst things you can do for your confidence. Just because there are fisters out there who attend every event doesn’t mean they’re more popular than you. The higher someone’s follower count, the more they’ll be invited to parties—but if you’re imagining intimacy and connection, you’re mistaken.
Often, the lives of these “big partygoers” are lonelier than the bonds in your small, local micro-community.
Conclusion: Be Yourself and Part of the Fisting Community
You don’t have to be “a certain way” to belong to the fisting community. That big, beautiful bubble many queer people dream of simply doesn’t exist. Sharing a sexual preference is one thing, but that doesn’t guarantee personal compatibility.
Once you understand this, you can focus on what truly matters: discovering who you are in the world of fisting and what connects you to others. Maybe it’s a love of fisting with toys, or perhaps it’s sharing tips about the best poppers.
Always remember: not everything that glitters is gold. Just because “XYZ” from Instagram is the life of the party doesn’t mean they’re universally adored. The myth of a worldwide fisting community is irrational and false.
In the end, fisting is just a sexual preference. If sexual preferences defined community, then everyone who loves sex would belong to one harmonious group. Look at the world around you—it’s clear that’s not the case!
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