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In the movies, everything always looks so perfect. Men have fun in bed, move erotically, self-confidently and hotly. Reality looks different. In bed, there are failures, bad luck and mishaps, and not everyone can handle that. And then there’s the matter of self-confidence. Maybe you haven’t been gay for long, or maybe you’re just not satisfied with your body. As long as you have inhibitions and don’t feel comfortable, you’ll never be able to let go completely. That’s why today we’re going to share the best tips and tricks for boosting your sexual confidence.
Overcome shame and lack of self-confidence
One of the biggest mistakes you can make in bed is constantly comparing yourself to other men. Often, we get our impression of what a gay man should look like from social media platforms. For LGBTQIA+ people, feelings of shame about their sexuality are often added to the distress surrounding physical characteristics. Maybe you were repeatedly told that it is not normal for a man to love men. With respect: Bullshit!
Your sexuality is perfectly normal and there is no reason for you to be ashamed of anything. When it comes to physical aspects, you have the best proof right in front of you. Why do you think the man in your bed is lying there, visibly aroused? He likes you and he probably doesn’t even notice what bothers you about yourself. There are no “perfect dimensions” or “features” that you have to fulfill for good sex.
Stand in front of the mirror and get to know yourself. Write down the flaws that you see yourself and look at them from a different angle. Too little or too much hair on your chest? Not perfectly defined muscles? Dissatisfied with your penis? Forget such thoughts and turn them into something positive. Maybe your penis doesn’t meet the German average, so what? Find something that it (or you) is particularly good at and turn the negative thoughts into a positive aspect!
Get to know your body on your own
Before you can enjoy sex with others, you have to be able to do it with yourself. This is an old saying about love that proves true time and time again. If you can’t even listen to your body and your needs when you’re masturbating, how will it work in bed with your partner?
Do you realize that many men don’t even know what they want? They see in the movies that oral sex is very much in demand or think that when having sex with a man, they automatically have to be into anal sex. All of this is complete nonsense! You alone decide what you want during sex and no guideline. Discovering yourself and your body through masturbation helps you to strengthen your self-confidence.
You don’t know if you like anal sex? Find out, all by yourself. You can use sex toys, send your hands on exploration and use your imagination.
Tip: do it in front of the mirror. It will feel very strange at first, but discovering yourself from a sensual point of view will boost your confidence during sex. Look at how beautiful you look when you feel pleasure. Be open, smile at yourself and enjoy – that’s how to boost sexual confidence.
Replace the spotlight with soft candlelight.
If you don’t shop for your gay fashion online, you know the drama of the changing room. Every little wrinkle is presented, every unwanted hair is visible. Fact: We all look bad in the spotlight! Why do you think so much work is done with make-up, filters and light during film and photo shoots?
Even the most confident man will look at the roll on his stomach with horror when he looks at it in the wrong light.
Get more self-confidence by relying on a pleasant light. Flickering candles flatter the body and make you feel more comfortable. The perfect solution if you want to move with more confidence in bed in the future. Feel free to try out different light sources and have sex if you like it.
Interesting: Did you know that many people feel more self-confident when they are blindfolded themselves? You can’t see your surroundings, so your brain subconsciously assumes that you are not being seen either. Try it out, whether you are masturbating or having sex.
Talk about your desires and needs
Everyone has their own fantasies and desires when it comes to sex. If they are ignored, it can have a negative impact on your well-being in bed. Self-confidence starts even before the night together. Be open and honest, stand by your needs and talk about your erotic desires.
It is your right to tell your partner everything you feel like doing. Likewise, you can say if there is something you don’t like. Use a moment together on the couch with a glass of Prosecco and just talk about your desires.
Tip: Sometimes it’s easier to express your needs in writing. Write your partner a hot email and tell him your deepest desires.
Take care of your own well-being
In the morning, when we get out of bed after a night that was way too short, we feel about as sexy as the organic waste bin behind the house. The self-confidence you radiate to the outside world has a lot to do with how you feel. To really enjoy yourself in bed and not to constantly think about your own flaws, well-being is a must. And there are a number of things you can do to achieve this:
● Care for yourself and your body with pleasant scents.
● Wear underwear and clothes that make you feel sexy.
● Create an appealing environment.
● Turn on music that makes you feel good.
You should never greet your date with an unwashed genital, holey socks or a messy bedroom. Not only is it disrespectful to your partner, but feeling ashamed at that moment prevents any form of self-confidence.
Take a shower, trim your nails, trim your beard and put on your favorite clothes. When you feel comfortable and at ease, you will make a completely different impression on the person you are with. Did you know that self-confidence makes you sexy? It doesn’t always have to be a washboard stomach; a proud and self-confident appearance can make a much greater impression on your lover.
It just doesn’t work? Therapy for more sexual confidence
Do you lack self-confidence not only during sex but also in everyday life? Often this has deep-seated reasons that only you know. If you are unable to recognize your self-worth and love yourself despite all your attempts, therapy can be helpful.
There is no need to feel ashamed about seeking professional help. It is often particularly difficult for people from the LGBTQIA+ community to establish their identity and to stand by it. Take advantage of the counseling options available. In large cities like Berlin, there are even special institutions for homosexual people and inter/transsexual people.
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