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Shiba-what? Don’t worry if you’ve never heard of Shibari before, you’re not alone. It’s a term from the BDSM scene that only true connoisseurs and experts can fully understand. Many people have never encountered it, and that’s completely okay. This form of bondage was developed from a Japanese military restraint technique called Hojojutsu. Interestingly, while the term Shibari is used here in Europe, it’s not used in Japan. There, the term for this form of bondage is Kinbaku. So, as you can see – there are many terms for one technique, which we’ll explain in more detail below.
What makes Shibari so special?
If you want to tie up your lover, there are plenty of hot tools to choose from, from handcuffs to ropes. In many BDSM sessions, bondage is used to immobilize and deliver the submissive partner. As the Dom, you have full control over your tied-up plaything and decide what happens next. For your submissive, the experience of being restrained can be intense and exciting, but the restraints are often felt as uncomfortable or even painful.
In Shibari, it’s not about tormenting your partner or exercising power over them. The focus is on the positioning and the overall aesthetic created through the art of bondage. But before you dismiss this as some vanilla variation, hold on! Shibari is definitely known for its asymmetrical and uncomfortable positions. Your partner will certainly not only grimace in pain once or twice.
Even though Shibari simply means “to tie,” it’s much more than that. The intent behind this technique is clearly sexual; it’s all about the art of bondage that you perform on a living person. You primarily use a simple, thin rope that you cut into several pieces. The optimal size is seven to eight meters in length and about six millimeters thick.
Suspensions – For the pros among BDSM artists
There’s another level to Shibari: suspensions, also known as suspension bondage. As exciting as it sounds, it’s equally dangerous. In Shibari, the body of the submissive person is suspended from the ceiling or wall at several points or even just one.
Beginners might leave a foot or a hand free so that the sub can support themselves. However, there are also Shibari positions where the bound person is completely suspended in the air. Ropes around the hips and chest help balance the weight.
Warning: Such techniques are dangerous and can lead to accidents, even with a lot of experience. Before you attempt this variation of rope bondage, acquire professional knowledge about the individual binding steps and your partner’s anatomy. It’s essential that you never leave your lover alone in a suspended or restrained position, so that you can always intervene in case of an emergency.
How to learn and practice Shibari safely
In all BDSM practices, safety is more important than excitement. If you and your sub are experienced, your sessions likely follow a familiar routine. You know you can trust each other and are aware of your limits. But when you decide to try a new technique like Shibari, you’re beginners again.
With the following five tips, Shibari can become a rewarding and enjoyable experience:
- Get informed: Look at different Shibari patterns and learn about the necessary tools. The more basic knowledge you have about the body, ropes, and possible knots, the safer your bondage session will be.
- Mindfulness is key: Shibari isn’t about turning your lover into an immobile plaything as quickly as possible. In this technique, the journey is the destination. You should enjoy the process of tying each knot and tightening each loop.
- Agree on a safeword: As your binding skills progress, your lover will become more and more immobilized. In some positions, they won’t be able to move at all without risking injury. Always agree on a safeword, no matter how long you’ve been playing together. Your partner should always be able to stop the experience if they need to.
- Pay attention to circulation: Tying doesn’t mean cutting off blood flow – this is something you must be aware of from the start. While you’ll be wrapping the ropes tightly around your partner’s body, the blood must still be able to circulate. If their skin turns blue or they feel pain, release the knots immediately.
- Stay together: In Shibari, there’s an unwritten rule that you should never leave your partner alone, no matter how long the session lasts. If there are more than two of you, make sure that at least two people are always in the room. Careless movements or accidents could result in your lover getting strangled.
Learn Shibari like a pro
A great way to learn Shibari is through workshops led by real professionals. You can attend them online or in-person, either with your partner or alone. There are also some excellent books that can teach you this bondage technique. Make sure the guides are illustrated, as it’s very difficult to replicate the ropework otherwise.
Tip: For long and enduring sessions, high-quality ropes are essential. Avoid using nylon ropes from the hardware store, and instead buy from specialized suppliers. For beginners, jute and hemp ropes are ideal, as they’re easier to undo. If you have experience with bondage, you can opt for cotton ropes. These are particularly soft and flexible, but the knots hold very tightly.
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