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Do the terms “soft” and “Dom” even go together? Let’s be honest, a Dom is typically seen as a commanding and strict master who maintains control over their submissive. In BDSM, the strong power dynamic is a hallmark of the relationship. While this is true for many dynamics, there are nuances and variations, such as the Soft Dom.
What’s behind a Soft Dom?
A Soft Dom is still dominant but is less strict and places emphasis on care. Topics like aftercare are an integral part of a session for them. A Soft Dom still enforces authority—don’t think that as a submissive you can get away with anything. Push it too far, and you’ll receive your well-deserved punishment from a Soft Dom as well.
Not sure who you’re sharing your bed and life with? Here are some characteristics of a Soft Dom:
- They talk to you and consider your wishes and needs.
- They praise you for “good” behavior and let some mischief slide, up to a point.
- They don’t command, but rather ask firmly.
- They are loving and take care of your sore, burning buttocks with great tenderness.
For a Soft Dom, it’s important that you enjoy the intimacy with them. That doesn’t mean they won’t spank you; they’ll just shower you with kisses afterward to make the pain as bearable as possible.
How to become a Soft Dom
Are you fascinated by BDSM, but too gentle for a harshly dominant demeanor? Perhaps the role of a Soft Dom is exactly what you’ve been searching for. You’re the boss, wrapped in the skin of a cuddly teddy bear. Follow this guide with five tips to become the perfect Soft Dom:
1. Consent is your top priority
Nothing is more important in BDSM than mutual consent. As a Soft Dom, you find out what boundaries your submissive has before you even start playing. You communicate with them and closely observe them during each session. If your submissive feels uncomfortable, you pull them out of the situation and give them the space they need to recover. You don’t judge them if they can’t or don’t want to engage in a particular activity; instead, you understand their situation. Naturally, you give your submissive a safe word that they can use at any time for their own safety.
2. Take things slowly
As a Soft Dom, you take your time and don’t overwhelm your lover. That doesn’t mean you won’t get wild or lock their cock in a chastity cage. You simply give them the space and time to adjust to the situation. If you’re spanking them, you start with gentle slaps, not going straight for the cane. If you’re restraining him, you always check how he feels.
3. Pay close attention to your partner
As a Soft Dom, you don’t just rely on safe words or verbal agreement from your partner. Inexperienced submissives often hesitate to disagree with their Dom or say “no.” You stay aware of this and carefully observe their facial expressions and behavior. If your partner’s body language tells you they’re uncomfortable with something, you stop the play. You don’t laugh, scold, or judge if a hot session gets interrupted because of their feelings. Your pleasure only exists when you can share it with them. If he needs more lube, your empathetic nature will notice that immediately.
4. Take your submissive seriously
As the Soft Dom in your relationship, you give your partner the opportunity to express all their wishes and needs. You don’t laugh at their concerns but meet them with respect and dignity. Empathetic listening is one of your natural traits. Praise is an important feature. You boost your submissive’s confidence by giving them validation, subtly showing them what you appreciate. You give them the space to express what feels good to them, and you take that into account.
5. Aftercare is a crucial part of every session
Aftercare is important in any BDSM relationship, but as a Soft Dom, you’d never skip it. The focus here is on both of your well-being. You find out not only what makes you comfortable, but also what is important for them. Whether it’s a visit to a restaurant, a glass of warm milk, or just a hug—whatever makes you both happy, you initiate and facilitate it. You’re not just responsible for their care but also for your own. Even though you’re the one in control as the Dom, you have understandable needs afterward too.
Soft Dom: The friendly big brother of the Dom
As a Soft Dom, you are dominant but significantly kinder and less strict than a classic Dom. You express your desires and needs in a subtle and considerate way. Yes, you are a Dom, but there’s a bit of a softie in you as well. When your submissive looks at you with big eyes and begs for “more,” you give them that more. This is what sets you apart from the classic Dom—you’re too kind-hearted to let them plead for long.
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