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As a follower of the BDSM scene, you’ve probably heard of the term “Subspace.” It’s not a physical space for subs, but rather a state of consciousness that submissives can reach during active sessions with their Dom. For the sub, this state is filled with relaxation and depth; some gay men describe it as a kind of separation from their actual “self.” We’ll explain how you can reach this state and what Subspace might feel like.
Conditions for Entering Subspace
If you’re an athlete, you may have heard of or experienced a runner’s high. It’s the moment when you suddenly forget all pain, feel strong and invincible, and want to keep going. Subspace for the submissive part of a session feels somewhat similar. There’s one crucial prerequisite to entering Subspace, and that’s trust.
When you submit to another person and give yourself over to them, you must be able to trust them 100%. Whatever they do to you, you need the assurance that you can say “stop” at any time. Only then can you let go enough to enter a trance-like state.
How to Enter Subspace
First of all: you won’t experience Subspace during every session, and some people never reach it. When you do enter this special state, your body’s own hormones play a key role. Particularly important are endocannabinoids, which are produced by your body or brain. You’re right to think of CBD and THC when you hear the word “cannabinoids.” Your body is capable of producing similar chemicals. You also need dopamine, as this neurotransmitter affects your brain’s reward center. Only when your brain produces the right mixture of endorphins, dopamine, and cannabinoids can you enter Subspace.
Tip: Some gay men report that using poppers helps them reach a state of absolute trance. If you feel safe with your Dom, this might be an option for you.
What Does Subspace Feel Like?
There is no universal description that applies to every man. Some subs feel like they are in a kind of euphoria and compare the experience to a very good strain of cannabis. Others feel as though they are disconnecting from their body and observing the moment from the outside. There are many descriptions, but your own experience won’t necessarily reflect them. How you perceive and experience the moment is up to your own psyche.
If you are familiar with meditation or the runner’s high feeling, you might have some idea of what to expect. If you’ve never been in a trance-like state, no explanation in the world will make sense, because the experience will be unique and personal to you.
The best way to describe Subspace is as a state of deep relaxation. Your everyday thoughts and worries disappear, and you experience only the present moment. For many gay men, it is a deeply spiritual experience. If you’ve ever been hypnotized, you might have a similar experience.
Often, there is a blending of perception and reality. Even though your Dom may be inflicting pain (consensually), you no longer perceive it as such. Instead, every touch feels like a wave of pleasure. Be sure to discuss with them beforehand what kinds of play are okay and which are not. If sex toys are involved, it must be clear how and for how long they may be used.
Five Tips for Reaching Subspace
If you don’t manage to reach Subspace, don’t be discouraged. Many gay men completely relax during sessions and still don’t experience an intense high. There can be many reasons for this. Your mindset plays a big role. For example, if you don’t believe in hypnosis or meditation and their effects, even the best hypnotist won’t be able to make you “go under.” Only if you’re truly ready can you achieve a state of total relaxation.
Here are five tips from experienced gay men that might help you:
- Meditate beforehand: Familiarize yourself with meditation and learn techniques to center yourself and find calm. A meditation or mental journey before the session can promote entry into Subspace.
- Build trust: Only if you completely trust your Dom and feel safe with them can your subconscious let go and fully relax. This often happens only after many months or even years of playing together, so give it time.
- Create a quiet space: The environment must be suitable for total release. If you’re subconsciously expecting the doorbell to ring or a new WhatsApp message, you won’t be able to let go. Create a safe space so your mind can enter Subspace.
- Use poppers: If you’ve had experience with poppers, use them to prepare. They can help you trigger a euphoric high and completely let go during the session.
- Set boundaries: Discuss with your Dom beforehand what kinds of play are allowed and where your limits lie. This way, you can trust that they won’t cross any boundaries, and the experience will bring pleasure, not frustration. A safeword is useful to give you a sense of security. Even in Subspace, you’ll still be able to use it at any time to end a situation.
Aftercare After Subspace is Important
When you emerge from Subspace, you may feel a bit groggy or dazed. It’s important to give yourself and your body the necessary rest and aftercare. Talk to your Dom about the situation and share how you felt.
Tip: If the state scared you, acknowledge the feeling and process it. Describe moments you found pleasant and those that you found uncomfortable in hindsight.
Subspace can be an overwhelming experience and may lead to emotional outbursts, tears, relief, or a sense of vulnerability afterward. You alone decide how to mentally and emotionally process this and what feels right for you.
For some gay men, a hug and aftercare from their Dom are important in this situation. Others need time alone and prefer to process their feelings on their own. You decide what works best for you, because only then will Subspace be an experience you’re willing to embrace again.
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