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Sex? One person wants a large portion of it three times a day with seconds, while the other is satisfied once a month. Of course, these are two extremes, but if you’re wondering whether you’re having too much or too little sex, you’re certainly not alone. Before we can answer this question, however, there needs to be a standard, and there isn’t one. There is no book in which you can read how much sex is normal and when you cross the line. What there are, however, are signs that you are missing sex or that you should perhaps take a break.
How much sex do other people have on average?
You’ve probably all heard these figures about gay men. Supposedly, gay men have more sex partners than straight men and we’re also supposed to say “yes” more often when it comes to non-committal sex. The type of man who is all about getting laid also exists among gays. But that doesn’t mean that every gay man is like that.
In 2016, 30,000 people in Switzerland were asked about their sex lives, including gay men. The survey revealed that gay men had an average of 14.7 sexual partners (up to that point). Bisexual men lagged behind with 11.3 partners, while heterosexual men had 6.9 partners. This survey therefore shows that gay men change partners more frequently.
How much sex the bisexual and gay men actually had was not recorded in the survey. Having many partners does not necessarily mean having a lot of sex.
Some men need the trust of a partnership in order to have any desire for intimacy at all. Nevertheless, there are average values for the frequency of sex. They don’t just relate to gay men, but to men in general.
Here are a few figures:
- 7% of men say they have sex one to three times a month.
- 14% of men say they have sex four to five times a month.
- 35% of men say they have sex six to ten times a month
- 18% of men say they have sex between eleven and 15 times a month
- 14% of men say they have sex 16 to 20 times a month.
- 5% of men say they have sex 21 to 30 times a month.
- 1% of men say they have sex over 30 times a month.
This shows that the majority of men (35%) go to bed with someone else an average of six to ten times a month. However, this survey was only conducted in the age group between 20 and 35, so the figures may look different again above this age.
When do I have too little sex?
First of all: there is no clear figure for what is too little sex. You are individual and if you don’t feel like it, that’s completely okay. However, if you would like to have sex but don’t, then of course it’s not enough from your point of view.
There are supposedly studies that show that once a week is ideal for partnerships, as it increases well-being. More sex is not supposed to bring any added value for mental satisfaction.
However, it is doubtful whether such studies really apply to everyone. If you enjoy having a lot of sex, once a week may not be enough.
When do I have too much sex?
There is no such thing as too much sex if everyone involved is enjoying it. You may have experienced yourself that you had sex more often at the beginning of a relationship, but the frequency decreased later on. This is completely normal and is part of the normal course of a relationship.
At the beginning, everything is new and you are experimenting with each other. If it makes you happy, you can have sex five times a day and enjoy your togetherness. But even if you only want to have sex once a month and spend the rest of the time doing something else, that’s perfectly okay.
At what point am I addicted to sex?
Having a lot of sex does not mean that you suffer from sex addiction. In order to diagnose hypersexuality, there must be a few clear criteria. This is no longer pleasurable sex with passion, but a compulsive attempt to satisfy urges.
Signs that your sexual behavior may be associated with an addictive component are
- The thought of sexuality has a significant impact on your life and daily routine.
- Without sex, you feel empty and anxious.
- Your frequency of sex increases, but your satisfaction decreases continuously.
- You can no longer control your impulses and urges.
The decisive factor seems to be how fulfilling your sexual life is. Do you never feel satisfied and are already thinking about the next round after sex? This could be a sign that you have developed an unhealthy relationship with sex. In extreme cases, those affected neglect their private life and are also constantly burdened by thoughts of sexuality in their professional life.
How much masturbation is normal?
The same applies here: you can jerk off as often as you like, as long as you enjoy it. It doesn’t matter whether you use a masturbator or simply do it yourself.
Only when you don’t feel satisfied after wanking and actually perceive the “relief” as a compulsion does it become critical and could indicate a sex addiction. On the other hand, it’s also completely okay if you don’t like masturbating at all or only rarely. In the past, there have also been surveys on men’s masturbation behavior.
Although the results date back to 2007, they still provide initial guidelines on frequency:
- 9% stated that they masturbate twice a day.
- 19% stated that they masturbate once a day.
- 23% stated that they masturbate every other day.
- 18% stated that they masturbate once a week.
- 15% stated that they masturbate less than once a week.
- 16% did not answer the question.
A total of 6,753 males were surveyed. As you can see, the frequency varies greatly.
Can too little or too much sex be unhealthy?
If you don’t have sex, your body can cope with it. Nevertheless, there are supposed to be consequences if you don’t ejaculate for a long time as a man. For example, the risk of prostate cancer in men is said to be lower if they ejaculate more frequently. This was the result of an American study that has observed 32,000 men since 1986.
According to the scientists, the observations and surveys showed that 21 or more ejaculations per month reduce the risk of prostate cancer by 19% (in the 20 to 29 age group) and by 22% (in the 40 to 49 age group).
Regardless of studies, sex is considered a healthy activity if you enjoy it. It can release endorphins, relieve stress and strengthen the cardiovascular system. As with everything in life, the same applies here: Individual factors can have an influence. For example, if you have high blood pressure, you should first consult your cardiologist, which is something you would naturally not consider as a healthy man.
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