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When you’re “topping” for the first time, nervousness is inevitable. Maybe you’ve already had some great Top Sex, but you’re always looking to make the experience even better for both of you. Everyone likes something different, so there’s no perfect guide that works for you, your neighbor, and the handsome bartender at your favorite pub. However, our seven basic tips for Top Sex will make things much easier for you as the “active” partner and help make the experience pleasurable for your bottom.
1. Start with thorough foreplay
Simply jumping straight into it isn’t enough. For your first time as a top, it’s a good idea to get both of you in the mood first. Your lover isn’t just his anus—his body has many other erogenous zones waiting to be explored.
Start soft and explore his body with your lips, tongue, and fingers. Penetration will be much easier if you’ve already relaxed and opened him up a bit with your fingers or if he’s using an anal plug. Plus, teasing and arousing each other beforehand will significantly increase the anticipation for Top Sex.
2. Ask about his preferences
“Just do it” might work as a slogan for sneakers, but it’s not ideal for Top Sex. In a long-term relationship, you’ll eventually know your partner’s preferences, but with a new playmate, it’s trickier. Don’t hesitate to ask how he likes to be taken and what he needs as a bottom. Sometimes it’s little things, like poppers before sex or a relaxing spray, that can make the experience more enjoyable and exciting for him.
Take a moment to discuss hygiene and preparation. Stool is a completely natural product of the body, and if you’re penetrating anally, you might come into contact with it. Use a towel and consider an anal douche beforehand to minimize the risk. If something happens, stay calm. You’re probably wearing a condom anyway, and the less you focus on the mishap, the less uncomfortable Top Sex will feel for him.
3. Prepare him with fingers and toys
A quickie might call for a cold start, but most bottoms prefer a little more time and care. The anus you want to penetrate consists of two muscles (inner and outer). Proper preparation is crucial for pain-free penetration, especially if he’s inexperienced or this is his first time as a bottom.
Gentle massages inside and out will help him relax. Circle his anus, use your fingers to explore, and once you’ve eased past his muscles, take your time. A small prostate massage can enhance his pleasure and get him ready to receive as a bottom: Top Sex achieved 😉
4. Lube is an essential helper for all tops
Whatever happens, as a top, you’ll need lube. Apply it to your penis, spread it between his cheeks, around his opening, and just inside the entrance. Without lube, the experience is less enjoyable and there’s a risk of injury. Anal mucosa is naturally dry and doesn’t self-lubricate when aroused. Proper lubrication ensures smooth penetration and minimizes painful friction.
Top tip for Top Sex: If you’re using a condom, make sure the lube is compatible with it. Water-based lubes are the best choice here. Extra-lubricated condoms can help too, but they don’t replace a good lube.
5. The perfect position for tops
There’s no one-size-fits-all position, but some are better suited than others. You might be surprised to hear that making your bottom the cowboy is a good idea. This way, you give him control, including the ability to set the pace. Especially during initial penetration, it can be tricky to find the right speed—not too fast, not too slow.
Other positions to consider:
- Spooning for cozy sex: Spooning is sensual and cuddly. Since you’re behind him, he can help control the pace with his hip movements and isn’t entirely at your mercy.
- Doggy for classic fans: Doggystyle is the most well-known position for anal sex. He kneels in front of you, and you take him from behind. He can vary his posture, lie flat on the mattress, or actively push his hips back toward you.
- Missionary for cuddly sex: Missionary is romantic because you can look directly into his eyes. Kissing, touching, or even a penis massage works wonderfully here.
Feel free to try your own favorite positions. Depending on the space available, bending over the bathtub or standing while leaning on the sofa can be exciting. If your sofa’s backrest is free-standing, he can lie on it while you stand behind him. Mix it up, experiment, and find the positions that work best for you.
6. Good protection is a must for tops
Condoms are essential for safer sex. As the top, it’s your responsibility to ensure it fits properly. STIs can be transmitted during anal sex, and unless you’ve both been recently tested, condoms are the safer and more relaxing choice for Top Sex.
When withdrawing, hold the base of the condom and pull out slowly to prevent it from slipping off or spilling.
7. Find a pace that works for both of you
As a top, you set the pace in most positions. Observe him and pay attention to his reactions. Go slow during penetration. You could start by circling the tip of your penis around his entrance until he visibly relaxes. When you’re ready to enter, begin with just the head. This allows his muscles to adjust to your size. Wait until he’s relaxed before going deeper.
Continue slowly, inching in until you’re fully inside. Start with gentle, smooth movements and adjust your pace based on his responses. If he pulls back, slow down. If he eagerly pushes toward you, you can pick up the pace.
Silence is silver, communication is gold! Encourage him to speak up if something doesn’t feel right or if he wants something different. The more experienced you become as a top, the better you’ll understand his signals and adapt, making you a pro at Top Sex.
Conclusion: As the active partner, you carry significant responsibility
In many top positions, you’re in charge, which comes with responsibility. Your bottom is placing their trust in you, relying on you to respect their needs. Their body language can tell you a lot, but misinterpretations can happen. Make it clear beforehand that they can always veto anything. As the active partner, you’re the “executor,” but your bottom is your counterpart. Only when they enjoy the experience can it truly be great for both of you, ensuring top-notch Top Sex.
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