No! Not your bulging, twitching cock during a hot poppers and wank session. Why do we cling to things that hold us captive? Do you know the story of how to catch a monkey? The story goes that hunters in the jungle developed this method to catch monkeys for zoos. Farmers also had to catch monkeys to protect their crops. They used various containers such as jars, bottles, cages and coconuts. No matter what tool was used or whose idea it was, the message remains the same. Here is a variation on how to catch a monkey.
In a small village, monkeys were destroying the farmers’ crops. To save their crops, the farmers wanted to get rid of the monkeys, but in a friendly and humane way, without killing them. Monkeys are fast and agile animals, which made it difficult to catch them. One farmer had the idea of placing a banana in a heavy container with a narrow opening. He knew that monkeys could not resist bananas. The monkey reached into the container and clutched the banana. His hand fit easily through the narrow opening, but with the banana in his hand, he formed a fist that could no longer fit through the opening. The monkey desperately tried to escape with the banana, not realising that he had to let go of it to be free. He wriggled and pulled at his fist, squeaking in frustration, but didn’t let go of the banana. If you had been watching, you might have shouted to him: ‘Let go of the banana!’
The banana was so important to the monkey that he didn’t realise he was trapped until a sack was thrown over his body. The monkey had the power to be free, but he didn’t use it. He was caught because the banana had become so incredibly important to him.
The question is: What is your banana?
What are you focusing on so strongly that it is preventing you from being free and freeing yourself from an unfavourable situation? Is there something holding you back from living a happier and healthier life, stopping you with a clenched fist of frustration? Maybe you’re struggling to forgive someone. It’s hard to get over when someone has ‘wronged’ you, but not forgiving is detrimental to your mental and physical health. Studies show that unforgiveness leads to anxiety, depression and severe mental disorders and increases the stress hormone cortisol(https://www.apa.org/monitor/2017/01/ce-corner).
Here are some common ‘bananas’:
- Thoughts (the idea of the perfect life, what do people think of me, comparisons with others…)
- Difficult emotions (fear, worry, guilt, anger, shame…)
- Inability to forgive
- Ego (it’s a weakness to let go, I’m too proud to let go…)
- The need for control
- Unhealthy behaviours
- Cravings/desires
- Unhealthy relationships
- Greed
- Attachments
Finding the banana
Maybe you set up an awesome date Monday night, but Mondays don’t really work for anyone, and no matter how hard you try, it just doesn’t work out. Would another night work better? Look for peace, not guilt. The awesome date isn’t the banana – Monday is the banana.
Let go of the banana
What could your life look like if you unclenched your fist and let go of your grip? Is what you’re holding on to worth being trapped? As you read this, you may realise that you are holding on to something that is not having a positive impact on your life and is holding you back from achieving your goals, being successful in your job, having healthy relationships and overall feeling good physically and mentally.
Once again, what is your banana? Maybe you don’t even know exactly what it is, but you sense that something doesn’t feel right in your life. The constant feeling of tiredness could indicate that you are using your energy to hold on to that darn banana. The banana is tempting – at least you think it is – and maybe it’s been good to you in the past, but now you’re tired, and you want to feel better, you want to be happy.
What if you can’t let go?
Maybe you’re thinking: ‘But I’ve held on to my banana for so long. How am I supposed to let go?’ Just because you’ve held on to something for a long time doesn’t mean you should keep doing it. It also doesn’t mean it’s worth the energy it’s costing you to hold on to it. Does it still serve the same purpose as before? Is it bringing positivity into your life? Does it make you happy, or does it keep you stuck in one place? It’s understandable that it’s hard to let go. You’ve invested a lot of time and energy into something that is now familiar to you, but familiar doesn’t mean it’s healthy.
It can help if you pull back a little at first until you are ready to let go completely. If you are now saying, ‘Yes, I have a banana and I don’t know how to let it go,’ you should seek the help of a therapist. Therapists not only have the necessary education, training and experience, they are also human beings. They understand ‘bananas’.
As hard as it may be for you to let go, consider how much energy it costs you to hold on to something. Yes, you might lose something, but you might also find yourself and live the life you want.
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