Limits are essential in BDSM and describe the boundaries that apply to both the dominant part and the submissive part. There are hard and soft limits that define the framework for play. Therefore, especially at the beginning of a relationship, it is important to communicate these limits openly in order to guarantee a safe play.
Hard vs. Soft Limits?
Hard limits are inviolable boundaries in the BDSM context that vary from person to person and can be considered taboos. Restraints can be a hard limit for some people. And if they are exceeded, the safeword is used to end the game immediately.
Soft limits are boundaries that can be moved around in a relationship at any time. Or refer to experiences that have not yet been had and should be approached with caution. For example, exploring anal sex could be a soft limit if a person has no experience of it but is willing to do so in principle.
How to deal with limits?
When it comes to respecting your partner’s boundaries, it is important to remember that hard limits are unbreakable and must be accepted, regardless of whether they are set by the dominant or submissive part. Discussions or attempts at persuasion are not appropriate, and a new play partner should be sought if necessary is a particular practice is a hard limit for the partner.
With Soft Limits, there is the opportunity to have new experiences, but it is important to be careful and mindful. The responsibility lies with both partners to ensure a safe and consensual game.
It is a common misconception that only bottoms can set limits. In truth, of course, tops also have their taboos and limits that must be respected. It is unfortunate, however, that this is often overlooked. Whether top or bottom, the most important thing is always to respect and respect the boundaries of the partners.
What can I do if my limits are not respected?
If this happens, you should act immediately to protect yourself. First, you should clearly tell the person who has disrespected your boundaries that the behaviour was unacceptable and disturbing. It is important to remain calm and firm when doing this.
If the person does not stop crossing your boundaries, or you do not feel safe, you should use the safeword you agreed on beforehand to end the game immediately. You also have the right to stop the game or end the relationship completely at any time if your boundaries are not respected.
It is also important to talk about what happened to prevent such situations from happening again in the future. If possible, talk to someone you trust to help you process what happened. And remember that you always have the right to set and defend your boundaries.
Are limits fixed?
Limits in the BDSM context can indeed shift, especially soft limits which are designed to approach new experiences with caution. It’s important to keep talking about this, but without talking down to your partner or asking too much of them. How are you doing with the speed at which you are experiencing new things, and how do you assess your current limits?
Hard limits can also shift over time. What was considered taboo at the beginning can be appealing later on. However, it is important that the person decides for him/herself how he/she has evolved and shares this openly, without pressure or expectations.
The shifting of boundaries depends on trust and shared experiences. Only when taboos are respected can boundaries shift naturally. When you gain your partner’s trust, that is something very special.
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