Everyone is capable of feeling love for another person, and living in a committed relationship with the person you love is an important goal in life for many people. Such relationships are considered a traditional form of cohabitation in our society. But there are others, such as polyamorous relationships. You can find out what polyamory means, what is important in polyamorous relationships and how they work in this article.
What is polyamory?
Imagine you are the father of a child. Then of course you will love it with all your might. If you now have a second child, you will of course love it just as much and will naturally not simply stop loving the first child. In other words, your love can also be enough for more than one person. Why shouldn’t this also work between adults? You can also love two men at the same time. When this happens, and you consciously have a relationship with both of them at the same time, this is called polyamory. Polyamorous men do not understand love exclusively, but are able to feel love for several men at the same time. However, they do not see this ability as a free pass for emotional or sexual infidelity.
When compared with the “open relationship” form of relationship, it becomes clear what the emotional basis for polyamory is. In an open relationship, the partners know that everyone also has sex with other men outside the relationship. The focus is purely on the satisfaction of pleasure. In contrast, the polyamorous man has a deep sense of love for all his partners. The focus in polyamorous relationships is therefore on the love felt, not primarily on the satisfaction of sexual desires. A key feature of polyamory is that all parties involved are aware of the non-monogamous nature of the relationship and accept it.
If you suspect that you are polyamorous, simply ask yourself what you would like a relationship to look like in which you are happy. Being honest with yourself is an important key to a fulfilling relationship.
Relationship between the LGBTQIA* community and multiple love
Polyamory is often not seen as an inherent part of the LGBTQIA* community. The reason given is that it is not practised exclusively by members of the community, but also by heterosexual people. But of course, you can be polyamorous as an LGBTQIA* person.
Advocates of the affiliation of polyamory to the LGBTQIA* community argue that polyamorous people, like all groups of people belonging to the community, are stigmatised by society. Multiple marriages, which are prohibited by law (bigamy ban), are very often cited here, which is seen as discrimination.
Possible reasons for multiple love
Polyamorous relationships have become increasingly important, especially in recent years. The Swiss Generation Barometer 2023 revealed that 61 per cent of all respondents between the ages of 18 and 25 believe that non-monogamous relationships will be considered normal and accepted in the future. For example, increasing mobility and the spreading mentality of non-commitment have raised doubts about previous models in the area of relationships.
The experience of having been happy in a monogamous relationship and having fallen in love with another person at some point also contributes to the growing acceptance of polyamory. Many men do not want to leave this gift of multiple love unutilised, but are prepared to live in a polyamorous relationship.
In addition, the numerous, purely practical advantages that result from such a relationship are the reason why more and more men are getting involved in them. Especially if you live together in a three-way relationship, for example, rent and living costs are reduced because you can share them. What’s more, you don’t just have one contact person for problems, you can also access several counsellors.
Sex as the highlight, not the basis of the relationship
Of course, sex also has a firm place in every polyamorous relationship and plays an important role. It is not uncommon for polyamorous partners to have sex with several partners at the same time. This is especially true if, for example, you decide to live together with both of your partners. The situation is different if you love two men who know about each other but don’t know each other well. In this case, sexual experiences in a threesome are rather unlikely.
Fidelity in polyamorous relationships
Jealousy exists in all relationships, regardless of the model. Consequently, the issues of jealousy, insecurity and infidelity are also present in polyamorous relationships. To have a better understanding of this, you need to know that polyamory is not the same as cheating. For a relationship between more than two partners to succeed, a clear definition of fidelity is needed above all. What it does not mean is sexual or emotional exclusivity. In a polyamorous relationship, the term is first used to describe qualities such as trust, reliability, loyalty and steadfastness. Above all, however, fidelity is seen as a concession that you will stick to the relationship, even though or precisely because you love several people.
Advantages of having more than one partner
Admittedly, some men are almost overwhelmed with just one partner, which makes you wonder how it’s supposed to work with two partners. However, polyamorous couples report that although such a relationship is sometimes twice as stressful, it also gives them a double source of strength and energy. You are also less likely to be lonely. In a traditional relationship, one person is often left alone when their partner is at work, for example. In a multiple love affair, there is a greater chance of always having someone to talk to.
The biggest challenges for multiple relationships
If you’re in a polyamorous relationship but don’t live with your partners, it can be a challenge from an organisational point of view. After all, each of your partners has demands and wants to spend time with you. With two relationships going on at the same time, you need to be talented when it comes to organising your time. Of course, it would be easier if you lived with both/all partners in the same flat. Then, for example, there would be no long journeys and communication with each other would also be much easier.
Polyamorous couples often face the challenge of explaining their lifestyle to family, friends, and colleagues, as monogamous relationships are still the norm. While alternative living arrangements like patchwork families are becoming more common, increased awareness about polyamory is necessary.
In a polyamorous household, tensions and stress can arise. Having a private space, like an extra bedroom or study, allows partners to take a break and maintain relationship health. Providing distance when needed to let situations cool down.
An issue that comes up again and again in multiple relationships is that of health. And protection against sexually transmitted diseases. However, in polyamorous relationships, you and your partner are related to each other, including when it comes to sexual activities. Double or triple love forms something of a natural boundary here. As long as this is not exceeded, you can jointly consider not using condoms or PrEP. The topic only becomes relevant when another partner comes into play.
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