Since Brad Pitt, Lars Eidinger and Harry Styles have been presenting themselves in robes or dresses and wearing pearl necklaces at events, it is clear that the image of masculinity is changing. Genderfluid fashion shows a new, softer and more fluid man. Although the tough guy as a symbol of masculinity is not completely obsolete, he is also fading into the background in the LGBTQI* community. Do you also find it easy to find yourself in different gender identities depending on the situation or time? Are you comfortable acting as a man, woman, non-binary or agender person in everyday life and during sex? Then perhaps you are one of the genderfluid people.
What does genderfluid mean – A definition
Simply put, you can say that genderfluid people have a “fluid” gender that changes over time. Or depending on the situation. Anyone who is genderfluid has a non-binary gender, but genderfluid people can also be binary (male/female) at times. So this is about the gender identity of a person. Which describes which gender or genders a person identifies with. If you are genderfluid, you can switch between all possible genders over a period of time or in certain situations. For example, you are able to switch from male to female. However, you can also switch from female to non-binary or from a non-binary gender to agender identity. As a genderfluid person, you can even express multiple genders at the same time because your gender identity is in flux.
Among people whose gender is changing, there are many who do not use the term genderfluid for themselves. They usually prefer the terms bi-gender or even genderqueer. If they only change their gender as part of certain patterns or in certain situations, terms such as mirror-gender (when their gender matches that of other people). Or complementary-gender (when their own gender complements that of other people) are also used.
Categorisation everywhere
In the past, you had to choose between the two officially recognised categories, “male” or “female”. When the question of gender came up. Whether applying for a passport, opening a bank account, applying for a job or completing a survey, each time you were asked to reveal your gender. To also commit yourself, to lock yourself into a box with regard to your gender identity. Such a requirement was experienced as an enormous emotional burden by those whose self-definition lay beyond the terms man or woman. Discovering the term genderfluid for themselves is a moment of happiness for many. Because they finally experience a sense of belonging and feel understood.
How gender flexibility and sex are connected
Whether you are genderfluid has to do primarily with your gender identity and is not related to your sexual orientation. Your gender fluidity has no influence whatsoever on your sexual preferences or sexual orientation. However, the way your partner interacts with you during sex can play an important role. For example, how can you communicate what you want? After all, you may feel uncomfortable if your partner touches you in certain ways. Or does things that are normally considered feminine or masculine?
Many genderfluid people with innate, male gender characteristics and currently female identity do not like it when their partner touches their penis, for example. On the other hand, genderfluid people with female characteristics and a male identity feel very uncomfortable when their breasts are looked at or touched. Genderfluid people also tend to adopt the gender identity behaviours during sex that are ascribed to them by society. This means that as a man, you have to play the dominant partner. As a woman, you jump into the submissive role.
Complete change of personality
Genderfluid people also want to show their inner feelings to the outside world, which often happens with celebrities through their outfits on red carpets. It’s similar with sex. Many genderfluid people with innate female sexual and physical characteristics do not want to be reminded of what their body really looks like during sex, especially if they have a male role. This can go so far as to remove mirrors from the scene of the ‘horny action’, to conceal the female contours with as many items of clothing as possible or to hide long hair in up dos. These details help them to maintain their current personality in appearance as well.
Openness towards your partner
What is possible during a sexual experience depends above all on how far your partner is willing or able to go. If you have a genderfluid identity, you should definitely talk to your partner before having sex. This is important, for example, when it comes to using toys during sex to make your experience even hornier. Many genderfluid people report that the use of sex toys is exciting for them when they play a male role. However, this only works if the partner is open to such a topic and has corresponding sexual preferences anyway. Sometimes genderfluid people enjoy living out their dominant side, even though they are in the female persona, and vice versa. The flexibility of the partner is very important here.
Points of contact for genderfluid people
Although the topic of genderfluid gender identity has so far mainly been a sub-topic in the area of trans and intergroups, there are various contact and advice centres in Germany where people who have a genderfluid identity can get advice and meet other genderfluid people. Examples include the Trans*- und Inter*Treffen Flensburg or s Freiräumle Hohenems.
If you suspect that you might be genderfluid, it is important to take your time and find out whether you belong to this group. This applies regardless of your age, as many people only discover later that they are different from others. Seek help, have your own experiences when it comes to sex and enjoy being the male, female, non-binary or agender person you feel you are.
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