BDSM refers to a type of sexual activity characterized by elements of dominance, submission, and control. This practice often involves one partner assuming a dominant role, while the other assumes a more submissive position, creating a dynamic of power and pleasure. The term BDSM “session” describes the time frame in which BDSM activities take place. In addition, professional masters/domini use this term to describe their meetings with clients.
Session: A set time for BDSM activities
BDSM relationships can be multifaceted. It is not essential that these activities are strictly scheduled. In a BDSM partnership it could happen, for example, that certain preferences are lived out spontaneously or as part of everyday life together. If one meets with a play partner, each meeting could be considered such a “session“. However, the term helps to narrow down certain game scenarios.
Planning a BDSM session can raise expectations and anticipation and be exciting. It provides an opportunity to better prepare for the experience ahead, learn more about practices, gather fantasies and talk about personal boundaries. Especially when it comes to personal limits, the discussion about them can dampen the atmosphere. Therefore, it is advisable not to hold such discussions immediately before the match.
Preplanning a session also allows for a certain degree of security by limiting the time and place of the situation in which one steps into a certain role. However, a session does not always have to be planned in advance. It can also be initiated spontaneously or through specific signs and rituals. For example, a sub could signal the desire to play by putting on a collar. Or by saying a certain command, a session could begin.
But talk is not always silver – but gold in this!
It can be awkward to ask someone: “What do you do? How do you play and what are you into?” as it can cause feelings of shame and embarrassment. You wonder what the other person might think and whether you are weird or abnormal in some way. However, it is important to understand that within the BDSM scene different preferences and fetishes are common, and therefore it is normal to talk about them. However, it can be a bit of a struggle to talk about these topics at first, whether it’s on a date, at a regulars’ table or at a casual get-together with friends. For this reason, here are seven ways you can communicate your kinks and inclinations to other people
1. Say it in your profile text
Some people need their fetish as a prerequisite for sexual pleasure. Others use preferences as an outlet for pleasure or relaxation. It is important to mention this key feature in the profile text or in the first message when looking for a partner in order to get to know like-minded partners. Many also use specific names and pictures to indicate certain preferences. It is not necessary to emphasise this with loud shouting or exclamation marks, but can be integrated into the text unobtrusively.
2. Direct and uninhibited
It is important that you communicate your needs and boundaries clearly when engaging in BDSM. In the first conversation, discuss intimacies, experiences and possibilities to discover common preferences and test your partner’s reaction. An open, honest statement of your desires can provide the best starting point for mutual play and raise issues that both partners can work on. Although it can be daunting, you should be open to open and honest communication in order to build a successful relationship.
3. Be prepared
Use references such as Bücher, stories, comics or fan fictions to explain your preferences. Focus on the positive aspects and talk about what you particularly liked. Alternatively, you can watch films together to better explain your excitement and the details that make you hot.
4. Provocative suggestions
Dirty talk can be an exciting way to reveal new ideas during sex or play. Use this opportunity to share fantasies that relate to and can expand on the current state. Be careful not to be too explicit, and give your partner space to respond and play along. In the heat of the moment, your partner is likely to be particularly open to new ideas.
5. From word to deed
Once you have familiarised yourself with your fetish, you can propose a BDSM session and talk through a scenario together, or approach it slowly. If you have the equipment or a particular piece of clothing, you can use it to demonstrate to your partner how you have been doing the fetish. This will make it more vivid and understandable for your partner.
6. Apropos
We live in the 21st century and have access to many fetish references in pop culture, literature and films. Many people also first discovered their fascination with fetishes on television, rather than on a BDSM website. If you both know the same work, comparing your different perceptions can help you better explain how your fetish developed.
7. Playful approach
Play the “I’ve Never” game to have a little fun before sex. You ask each other questions and signal (non-verbally, take a sip, raise your hand, etc.) when you have already done something. Extend the game to talk about fantasies and wishes. Alternatively, you can try many games that ask exactly such questions, so that you get to know each other better and talk about fantasies and desires.
There is always a way
There is no guarantee of success, no matter which way you choose. Your partner may not be interested in your fetish, kink, fantasy, and that’s okay. Work together to find a solution and determine how important it is to you. Don’t get bogged down in long discussions, but encourage each other to try out preferences and grow together.
Even if your partner doesn’t like you, there are still opportunities to have experiences together. These can include, for example: Dirty talk, other toys or even attending events. Don’t give up, but try to find a solution that you are both happy with.
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