Many kinky gays complain that they can’t find a partner for their particular preferences. First, the good news: Vanillas feel exactly the same way. Whether you have a fetish or a kink or not, kink dating is generally difficult.
Gays have it even harder than straights, because the number of potential partners is naturally smaller. Now you want someone by your side who suits you and your preferences? A big challenge, but we’ll give you tips on how to get there anyway.
Why your choice of partner with a fetish is so limited
Let’s start with numbers. Let’s assume that 2 to 3 per cent of men are homosexual. If we add bisexual men, the figure could be as high as 10 per cent. For you, this means that one in ten people could potentially be a partner for you. However, only about half of these 10% are male. This reduces the number of potential partners to 5%. Sounds low? It is.
Now, let’s make things even more difficult by looking for a partner who shares your particular kink. You probably realise how difficult this undertaking will be.
Good news: The gay scene is considered quite tolerant, so the boundaries of what is considered kinky are much broader. BDSM couples are common among gay men, so at least here your chances of kink dating increase.
Same interests are not enough for kink dating
We’ll stick with the BDSM fetish as an example, but you can apply the problems to most fetishes. Imagine you are a dom and are looking for a submissive lover who you can teach behaving. It’s not enough for you to meet another dom, because you’re not a good match. With a bit of luck, your partner will be a switch, but in most cases you need the right “Yang” to go with your “Yin”.
You therefore need a partner who has the same interests, but is also your opposite. Considering that not every gay person has a fetish and that it will be even more difficult to find the same kink – you can see the challenges in choosing a partner, right?
Kink dating and vanilla dating are not the same
You may have only discovered your fetish later and have already had numerous classic dating experiences. Forget everything and prepare yourself for the fact that kink dating is a completely new experience. Before you meet someone, you’ve already eliminated 90% of potential gay partners because they didn’t have the same fetish.
A typical mistake: Some gays get it into their heads to look for a vanilla partner and slowly introduce them to their own kink. Forget that quickly. In very few cases, it can work, but here too, the other person already has a basic level of interest.
So when looking for a kinky partner, focus directly on them and don’t even start trying to turn someone around. Be honest, would you date a straight guy in the hope that you’ll turn him gay? Probably not, because the chances of it working are vanishingly small.
What are you really looking for? Clear questions before the first kink dating steps
Before you even start preparing for dates, you should first know what you want. To do this, ask yourself three simple questions:
- Who are you yourself?
- What do you expect from your potential partner?
- What do you have to offer yourself?
Sounds easy? Take a piece of paper and answer the questions for yourself in writing. You’ll realise that it’s not as easy as you thought.
Do you know what you want, who you want and what you have to offer? Then you can take the next steps.
Online vs. offline dating – what you need to know about it
Online dating has now established itself, and you can quickly find a partner for a hot night or a romantic date via apps such as Grindr and the like. The chance of success is there, but it is also more difficult in the kinky area. Forget approaches such as “psychological matching”, because these are often just superficial questions.
It doesn’t matter whether you both eat butter under Nutella, or whether you are both smokers or non-smokers. When looking for a kinky partner, other factors are important. Use our tips to efficiently embark on your kinky kink dating.
- Profile: Create a clear profile and state what you are looking for. It’s no use pretending to be a vanilla lover boy and then becoming a real dominator later on.
- Platform: You may already be successful on Grindr, but also check out a few fetish platforms. Here you have a better chance of finding a suitable lid for your pot.
- Define your goals: Are you looking for a partner who shares the same kink, or are you looking for a hot fuck? Decide based on your answer whether you are using a classic fuck site or a dating portal.
- Be active: Write to potential partners, but have a close look at what the other person is looking for. There’s no point in sharing your fetish with someone who wants to fall in love on a vanilla level.
Find kinky gays in real life
Many gays spend their time looking for a horny fuck partner online. By doing so, you are depriving yourself of the chance to discover an alternative. The best solution is to combine the two. Register on the appropriate portals, but also stay active in real life. Kink events are particularly important, where you can meet your peers. Dress up in your fetish wear and take part in all the parties that take place in your area.
Tip: Make sure you communicate your wishes clearly here, too. Are you just looking to fuck, or are you clearly looking for a pleasure slave? Then don’t go for vanillas with a thirst for experimentation. It takes too long to get to know a shy-gay and bring him into your world.
You can find cool party equipment on the market that lets you communicate your status without words. A Glow Strap on your harness with the inscription: “Top” tells everyone else that you’re looking for a bottom you can dominate.
Our tip: Drive out of the city sometimes. If you live somewhere in Buxtehude, you will of course have fewer events around you than in the queer city of Berlin. If you’re really looking for a kinky partner, treat yourself to a trip to the biggest fetish city in Germany.
Conclusion: Kink dating is difficult, but not impossible
It’s not easy to find a fetish partner who shares your exact taste. We would like to share an old motto with you:
Don’t be afraid to fail, be afraid not to try!
Yes, if it goes badly, your party action won’t work, and you won’t find a suitable match online. But at some point you’ll find the right match for your little pot. And if nothing works, think about how important your fetish is to you. Particularly rare kinks have a harder time than those that have become popular. If your salvation doesn’t depend on it, and you can have fun without a fetish, take the opportunity. You only live once, so fuck today rather than tomorrow.
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