BDSM is always based on the express consent and unanimous agreement of all participants. This fundamental requirement clearly distinguishes BDSM from any form of violence or assault. It is absolutely crucial that each one of the participants fully consents to the actions. In this context, the abbreviation CNC often appears, which stands for “Consensual Non-Consent“.
CNC refers to a specific type of play within BDSM where something happens that has not been agreed upon in detail in advance. Typically, these are imaginative scenarios in which a person is forced to perform sexual acts, services or other activities against their will. However, there is always a firm will that these acts happen, even though they are basically against one’s will. It is a more intense form of submission based on a deep relationship of trust and clear communication. Despite the fact that consent is the main pillar of BDSM, this practice often enables a D/s imbalance. Which is actually a contradiction in terms. After all, one would be revealing part of one’s plans if individual actions or sessions were discussed in advance. Additionally, many subs find it stimulating not to know what to expect.
Nevertheless, it is essential that even with CNC, extensive preliminary discussions take place in which hard and soft limits must be discussed in detail. CNC must not be seen as a free ride, granting universal freedom for actions that can be performed on another person without consequences.
Differentiation between CNC and metaconsent
In the context of CNC, we often talk about metaconsent. The use of the word “meta” in connection with a noun indicates that something is on a higher level or is above something. Metaconsent can therefore be translated as “superior consent” or “general consent”. This means that once consent has been given for certain practices, it does not have to be expressed again for each individual session. In this way, a party receives general permission to perform these specific acts without prior notice. However, metaconsent is not the same as CNC, even though CNC without metaconsent cannot be agreed. It should also be noted that even general consent can be revoked. And is best renewed regularly to ensure that all parties still want the same thing.
CNC and consensuality: a different perspective
As already mentioned, in Consensual Non-Consent it is also important to first negotiate the underlying consensus by specifically talking about practices, actions and boundaries. Agreeing to CNC does not mean removing all limits! A hard limit remains non-negotiable here too, unless it is marked as available. It is therefore crucial that reciprocal ideas are communicated honestly and openly. In a CNC system, the presence of a safeword is also of great importance. Although in many scenarios a safeword is considered “non-erotic”, it has a special significance here. When it comes to coercive fantasies, it is often necessary to provoke statements like “No, please don’t, it hurts”. For this reason, an independent safe word that is not used reflexively in uncomfortable situations is absolutely necessary.
It is also important to consider the legal aspects, because in the eyes of the law, a “no” is a “no”. Regardless of prior consensus discussions or written agreements. Therefore, it is in the interest of all parties to take appropriate measures to take these aspects into account and consider them.
Various manifestations of Consensual Non-Consent
The best-known form of CNC is rapeplay, in which the act of rape is role-played. Interestingly, this fantasy is widespread, not only among BDSM practitioners, but also among people without BDSM preferences – vanillas – widespread. CNC can, however, include individual acts that have not been explicitly agreed upon beforehand. Such as the application of gags, plugs, clamps or cuffs. It can also include the freedom to set the time or place of a session as you wish. For example, in an outdoor session. Or even the initiation of a session by certain gestures or actions.
Tearing of clothes can often be a common entry point, but it can also include extraneous use or the like. CNC can also include activities related to somnophilia, i.e. sexual acts on a person who is asleep or unable to communicate clearly. So there are also less violent ways of practising CNC.
The BDSM community and their views on CNC
When you ask members of the community about their views on CNC, you get a variety of responses. Some members see RACK and CNC as closely related. RACK refers to the deliberate practice of high-risk practices such as CBT, needle play or breath play that are not within the SSC system (Safe, Sane and Consensual), as they always carry some risk of injury.
It is often assumed that CNC involves the breaking of hard limits, i.e. the constant crossing of boundaries. This may be the case with soft limits, i.e. limits that can be lifted by the sub under certain conditions. In CNC, these are often exceeded if the dom deems it appropriate. However, this is not always necessarily done under the conditions expected by Sub. Playing with such boundary transgressions requires a lot of effort and attention. It is important to find a delicate balance so that these actions do not drift in a negative direction. However, it is by no means self-evident or even a main component of CNC to proceed in this way.
What factors should we consider when practising Consensual Non-Consent?
- Aftercare: After a CNC session, it is important to communicate differently from a usual session. It is advisable to verbally state clearly that the scene is over, put away all sex toys and ideally move to another room. In the case of rape play or rape scenarios, care should be taken with close physical contact to avoid misunderstandings. It is crucial to ask about the other person’s needs and act accordingly, be it closeness, distance or calmness. A dedicated aftercare routine should also be in place to meet physical needs and give the submissive person time to slowly regain self-control.
- Personal responsibility and awareness of responsibility: With CNC, it is important to clarify responsibilities, especially if the submissive person does not set clear boundaries and is therefore at risk. Although resistance and unwillingness are often part of the attraction, it still remains actions on a non-consenting person, even if there is consent. The dominant person actively overpowers the submissive person, with the latter most likely showing physical, verbal and emotional resistance, which requires overcoming.
It is therefore important that the dom also takes personal responsibility and needs aftercare. Especially if clear rejections have been expressed. Conflict can arise in close relationships when one person hurts or overpowers the other while the other actively resists. This can affect mutual trust and cause anxiety. All parties involved, especially the dominant person, must be aware of this reality and act with caution. It is important to fully understand your own boundaries and those of your partner in order to minimise the risks as much as possible, as you often take on the role of the perpetrator in these types of play.
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